I love how incredibly ridiculously overboard these tabloids get when they smell blood, albeit a trickle.

If I may:

Hef’s new girlfriends, Kristina and Karissa
Sordid? Or SORTED?

 

Hefner’s twin beauties have a sordid past life

London (ANI): The 19-year-old twin beauties Hugh Hefner handpicked to replace his “No 1 girlfriend,” have a sordid past life, according to reports. The Playboy mogul has recently been spotted with sensational twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon. Reports suggest that police arrested the twin blondes, who have already moved into the Playboy Mansion, for felony aggravated battery in January and were later given probation.

The news may come as a shock for the octogenarian tycoon, as his 28-year-old girlfriend Holly Madison moved out of his life and the Playboy mansion. The Playboy mogul had been on girlfriend hunting spree just days after long-time partners Madison and Kendra Wilkinson announced the end of their respective relationships with the Playboy founder.

Ok, firstly, it is impossible to refer to a 19-year-old, let alone twins, as having a “past life.” One needs to be at LEAST 30 years of age to possess a “past life.” It is only in 12 years time that their respective husbands-to-be will find out about their “sordid past life” when it is revealed that they were both knobbing an 82 year old man by the name of Hugh Hefner, AT THE SAME TIME. Now THERE’S a “sordid past life!”

And secondly, one cannot use the word “sordid” when referring to reports which “suggest that police arrested them for felony aggravated battery.” Oh please, man – don’t be completely ridiculous! Double-clicking my mouse too hard could be described as ‘felony aggravated battery.’

But let’s not be silly and waste time on such nonsense. Let’s rather focus on what we want to hear, which is nothing. We want to see. And that is why you can click here to see their mugshots from that incident. Or you can click here (NSFW) to see our girls kaal, next to Hef’s name on the Hollywood walk of fame.