[imagesource: Ralph/Gratis Graphics]

Hello, and welcome, we are nine days into the new year already and a lot of sh*t has happened.

I thought a BuzzFeed-style listicle would help me mobilise these last couple of days in nice bite-sized chunks, but in all honesty, it’s just made me realise that we’re not even two weeks into 2024 and all of this (and way way more) has already happened.

If the Obamas’ Leave The World Behind, Baba Venga and the Simpsons’ words are anything to go by with their apocalyptic predictions then this year is only about to get more hectic. Eskom might just eat the dust of the world-shattering solar storm that they say might hit us soon. I mean, The billionaires are building bunkers and I’m trying to convince my partner that we need to stock up on chickpeas and tuna, so you know, things are about to get down.

Where do I begin? Right here, I suppose.

Did you see that baby whale shark sniffing around Clifton 4th in Camps Bay last week Thursday? Beachgoers were able to get up close and personal with the rare creature at the time, with the NSRI and Shark Spotters cooperating to guide the shark into deeper waters until it vanished.

In other news, a big shark was spotted at Clifton Beach today

Too close for comfort honestly 👀 pic.twitter.com/BnlMJZGhIB

— Sammy (@_SammySA) January 4, 2024

IOL noted that Darryl Colenbrander, head of the City of Cape Town’s Coastal Policy and Strategy department, says the whale shark was a juvenile “which poses no danger to humans as it feeds predominantly on planktonic organisms”.

He said it was odd to see the animal so close to the shoreline and explained that it was considered a rare event as their habitat range is generally limited to the warmer waters of the tropics and sub-tropics.

“For their own safety, members of the public must keep a safe distance from these animals and all other marine animals.

“There is also national legislation that prohibits any member of the public from approaching within 300m of marine animals such as whale sharks. This legislation is primarily geared towards reducing stress caused to these animals due to human interference.”

Please, okes, don’t touch the animals.

Whale Shark at Clifton 4th Beach in @CapeTown yesterday! 🦈

📽: @capetownrory #Clifton#WhaleShark pic.twitter.com/dNgRMdXCpN

— Dylan Moore (@MrCPT) January 5, 2024

Meanwhile, around the same time, Muizenberg and Clovelly beaches were cleared as a cautionary measure after a few bronze whaler sharks were spotted.

The sharks are proving to be quite active in 2024. In Jeffreys Bay, the NSRI duty crew were called to assist a 62-year-old man, with a friend, who was reportedly bitten by a Ragged Tooth shark that he had caught while fishing.

Then, in Sea Point along the promenade near the wildly popular Saunder’s Rock, a local lass named Stella Susan stumbled upon a man casually nibbling on a rat’s tale. She posted a video on her Instagram Stories, but I managed to nab a screenshot before it disappeared into the internet ether for you to ‘see it to believe it’:

How hungry, or messed up, must a man be to chew on a raw rat? Cook the thing first, at least, my bru.

In other viral video news, an Alaska Airlines Boeing carrying 177 passengers and crew lost its door plug while in the air. The impact is said to have ripped headrests off seats and a shirt off a passenger:

And just like that, window seats are now more unpopular than middle row seats….#Boeing #AlaskaAirlines

pic.twitter.com/qhq6yfgBdo

— God JB Pricker (Parody) (@GodPricker) January 6, 2024

It was reported that after losing part of its fuselage, the plane made a safe emergency landing after returning to its departure city, Portland. The missing section of the plane was found in the back garden of a Portland teacher. BBC News reported that the plane had warnings days before the dramatic mid-air blowout.

Also in the US of America, people were freaking out over “8-10ft tall shadow aliens” which some people said had appeared at a Miami Mall at the same time that a massive brawl between teens broke out. A large police presence swarmed Bayfront Marketplace Monday night to get the large fight involving teens under control after some of them set off fireworks and caused a panic. Social media rumours then quickly spread about the alleged aliens, even though not a single person actually saw them.

I dont know if the rumours about the aliens at the Miami mall are real but I do know I never seen this many police in one place pic.twitter.com/p20F7AsPTD

— Misko☂️🎈 (@Im_Misko) January 5, 2024

CBS News reported that the phrases “Miami Mall” and “Aliens in Miami” have been among the top 10 searches on Twitter’s Trending tab and Google News has even aggregated several news outlets wanting to believe because the truth is out there.

Another very real mania has also been taking place in US malls – this one, around a sippy cup. 2024 is clearly the year of the Stanley Cup – the brand of an insulated drinking cup that has been vaulted into cult-favourite status.

@lori.sage Join my Stanley chit chat group! #stanleytumbler #stanleyobsession #stanleyaddict #stanley40 #stanley40oz #stanleyadventurequencher #stanleycup #thebestcup #foryou #fyp #collection @Stanley 1913 ♬ original sound – Mai Hamada

After the heavy-duty tumbler proved its insulation abilities when it survived a car fire, Stanley’s revenue skyrocketed from $73 million in 2019 to a whopping $750 million in 2023, Delish reported. The craze for folks to get their hands on one is next level:

@yuli.anax he really wanted that pink sparkly cup 🤣 #fyp #foryoupage #starbucksstanley #stanleycup #stanleytumbler ♬ Oh No – Kreepa

Gross:

@victoria_robino_26 #fyp #fypシ゚viral #target #targetfinds #stanleycup #stanley #stanleytarget #valentinesday #stanleyvalentinesday ♬ original sound – Victoria Robino

2024 has only just begun and it seems like the Stanley obsession is showing no signs of stopping.

Then, anyone into the male species has been going berzerk for Jeremy Allen White’s Calvin Klein campaign. Fast Company noted that the brand’s Spring 2024 rollout began this week, debuting with smouldering images of The Bear‘s hunk du jour, pictured slithering out of the brand’s iconic denim and tugging at the monogrammed waistband of its classic underwear.

The ensuing online frenzy led to speculation that fans are “not okay” and prompted People to declare, “Yesss, chef!”—a reference to the actor’s career-making role on FX’s hot-house restaurant series, for which he won a Golden Globe award Sunday night.

“I’ll take this as an apology for my awful 2023,” one fan wrote on an Instagram post.

Last but certainly not least, a Las Vegas judge was attacked by the accused after handing down his sentence for an attempted battery charge dating to last year that he had pleaded guilty to. The man who was videotaped leaping over a judicial bench and attacking the poor Nevada judge is being sentenced to up to four years in prison now:

And that is not all, folks. You can bet that we’ll be posting about all the other fun and ugly shenanigans as the year unfolds.

[source:iol&cbsnews&bbcnews&delish&fastcompany]