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Meghan Markle’s life has become quite a cautionary tale for young girls wishing to one day marry a prince and live in a castle. It might have been fun when the peasants still kissed your feet, but a modern monarchy is a minefield of lawsuits and public humiliation, and you don’t even get to have your own whipping boy anymore.

Life particularly stops being a fairytale when the R518 billion empire turns against you, and even more so when you’re ‘commoner’ family joins the pitchfork-wielding mob.

Meghan’s original sin might have been falling in love with a prince, but her family seems to be miffed that her proximity to the pomp and splendour hasn’t trickled down to the rest of House Markle. The money from The Markles Special is long gone, and half-sis Samantha wants a new Jag.

Samantha Markle has been struggling to survive her sister’s fame ever since the Fixated Threat Assessment Centre placed her on a list of ‘persons exhibiting signs of obsession with members of the Royal Family’. She went on to deny this shameful inclusion by reminding the internet that she has no issue with Meghan. Her vehement denials led to her Twitter account being suspended, and the Polk County Sheriff’s Department following up on ‘multiple allegations of cyberbullying’.

So ja, no joy for Samantha in this fairytale thus far, but if you can’t beat them, sue them!

The 59-year-old writer has filed another lawsuit against the former actress for $75,000 (R1.4 million) in damages for what she claims were “malicious lies” told about her during the meme-inducing interview Meghan gave to Oprah Winfrey after stepping down from royal duties and moving to the Kingdom of Los Angeles.

Samantha alleges she has been subjected to “humiliation and hatred” because of the claims made, and despite Meghan not having to attend the actual trial in November of next year, the half-sisters will have a chance to ‘talk it out’ during “in-person” meetings to be held beforehand.

Samantha wants the duchess to acknowledge that she “lied” to Oprah when she said she and her half-sister had “little to no relationship” in order to sell a “rags-to-royalty story.”

Half-Markle is also demanding that Meghan retract her claim that the late Queen Elizabeth was “racist” when she told the veteran sympathiser that “concerns” were raised by unnamed members of the royal family while she was pregnant with her son Archie. Nice of Samantha to stand up for the crown against her own sister.

In March, a US judge determined that Meghan’s statements were ” just opinions and not capable of being proved false”. The judge further ruled that “as no reasonable viewer would believe the duchess was suggesting she had no half-siblings or wasn’t related to Markle; her statements could not constitute defamation because they were just descriptions of her subjective experience”.

Not identifying as a ‘reasonable viewer’, Samantha said “Pfft”, and fired off a fresh lawsuit. If at first you don’t get your payday, try and try again.

To be fair, we’ve poked a fair bit of fun at the excommunicated royal couple as they lurched their way across the swamp that is the American social scene, but Dutchess-bashing is so 2022, and we’ve come to feel sorry for the young couple and their poor (not poor) kids. Harry has always been a good lad, and Meghan seemed to be a solid actress before the descendants of slave traders got their hands on her.

Here’s hoping the new year brings fewer lawsuits and more Oprah money. Just keep us out of it will you? That’s fair, innit?

[source:iol]