For the most part, laws are there to protect you and your fellow citizens, but as Mr. Bumble said in Oliver Twist, “the law is an ass”, and considering some of these we have to agree.

Recently a Michigan state law was rolled back that made it a crime for “any man or woman, not being married to each other, who lewdly and lasciviously associates and cohabits together”.

Vice reports that this bizarre law was introduced in 1931 and if found guilty, couples could be fined or imprisoned for up to a year.

Thankfully, common sense prevailed and the law has now been mooted somewhat, although technically it is still illegal to co-habit ‘lewdly and lasciviously’.

Mississippi is also on the backward bandwagon with a law that prohibits co-habitation if there are “circumstances which show habitual sexual intercourse.” Once again, you face spending up to six months in county jail, where I am sure there is just as much a chance to have: circumstances that show habitual sexual intercourse”.

Yes, the law is an ass sometimes, and many of these so-called “zombie” laws are still around despite never really being enforced. Like having to get your husband’s consent to get false teeth in Vermont, or not being allowed to eat fried chicken with a knife and fork in Gainsville, Georgia.

That last one was actually enforced in a promotional prank for the city when police arrested a 90-year-old woman for using utensils on her chicken.

“It’s really just about bringing us into the 21st century.”

Fortunately, none of these laws are taken too literally by most authorities, especially the ones that are too specific and obviously the result of an olden-days feud between neighbours. Like committing the crime of whistling at your canary before 7 AM in Berkeley, California. Or honking your car horn in front of a sandwich shop in Little Rock, AZ.

But it’s not just the Yanks that have loopy laws. South Africa has a few zombie laws as well.

Although there haven’t been wild bears in southern Africa for almost 1.5 million years, there is still a law that prohibits you from bringing a bear to a public beach, as well as taking part in bear wrestling.

Herders and their donkeys also have the right of way on our roads according to law, and if you are a minor, it is illegal to sit closer than 30cm from any other child while wearing a bathing costume.

Yip, all those fun old beach pictures of you and your maatjies with your arms around each other are proof of a crime.

You might want to take them with you when you hand yourself in.

[sources:vice&requestlegal&moguldom]