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When it comes to cringy wedding vows this must surely be up there with that time my cousin sang Rick Ashtley’s ‘Never Gonna Give You Up‘ on the altar. They’re still married, so perhaps he was telling the truth.

Michael Lentini however used his vows to convey the secret to keeping a gentlemanly gentleman like himself happy, and it mostly involves ‘giving it up’.

The groom’s vows have gone viral for the ‘vulgarities’ the bearded love machine used, but in all honesty, he was probably just happy to ‘Put a ring on it’ – as the other song goes.

The beautiful moment kicked off earlier in the day with a subtle warning from Michael to his wife-to-be, Destiny. As he was asked on camera what he wanted to say to his wife, Michael looked directly at the camera and said: “I hope we have a lot of sex… a lot.”

Michael has obviously never been married but that’s for another article. Things didn’t get more PC after that, and as the bride and groom gathered in front of the marriage officiator, who was also his mom, Michael let rip with some marital advice disguised as vows.

First whispering to his wife that ‘she was screwed’, the unshaven romantic began:

“There are only two things required to keep me happy: keep my belly full and my balls empty. Though you’re amazing at half of it, we really need to get you cooking lessons.”

As his mother hissed at him and the guests giggled nervously, Michael doubled down on the sexy talk and said “Nothing’s better than the sound of gagging and headboard slamming.”

Lucky for the groom, his wife appeared to know what a kinky man she was hitching her trailer to and she just laughed. Micheal’s mom however looked rather embarrassed but managed to crack a joke.

“Being that I am his mother, I will deal with him later. He’s grounded.”

According to IOL, the video has drawn some criticism from the moral sections of TikTok (is there even such a thing?), with many a commentator saying he only focused on her physical attributes, and never even spoke of his love for her.

I dunno, they are getting married so love is a given. Perhaps the bride and groom followed the tradition of no ‘sex for the two weeks’ before we got married and poor Michael was under ‘distress’. At least they are now married and Michael can get his vulgar wishes.

Because, as we all know, marriage is just one long sex-fest.

@lensculture You’re not gonna believe what he said in his vows! #weddingvows #groomsvows #ohhno #brideandgroom #weddingbloopers #weddingceremony #vowsgonewrong ♬ Full Heart Empty Balls – Jonathan Pajak

And just in case you haven’t had an earworm today, let Rick tell you how he’s never gonna give you up, let you down, run around, or hurt you. As long as you keep his belly full and that headboard bangin’.

Consider yourself rickrolled.

[source:iol]