[imagesource: Presidential Executive Office of Russia / Wikimedia Commons]

Russian President Vladimir Putin doesn’t take kindly to criticism or reports that reflect poorly on his governance.

I’d hazard a guess that’s why so many people keep falling out of windows in Russia, for example.

If he catches wind of the latest rumours doing the rounds – and they remain rumours with nothing to substantiate them – you get the feeling somebody is going to pay for it.

Over the weekend, it was reported that an anti-Kremlin Telegram channel with apparent links to his security team had the inside scoop on a rather embarrassing accident. This via The New York Post:

Russian President Vladimir Putin fell down the stairs and soiled himself this week amid mounting speculation that his health is declining…

Putin, 70, suffered the unfortunate fall at his Moscow official residence on Wednesday evening, according to the Telegram channel…

The ailing Russian leader allegedly fell down five steps before landing on his coccyx, or tailbone.

The person running the Telegram channel claims to be a former Russian spy.

When Putin hit the floor, the impact allegedly caused him to “involuntarily defecate” due to “cancer affecting his stomach and bowels”.

Rumours around Putin’s health have circulated for years and escalated in the wake of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. The battle rages on the ground and the disinformation war is also hotly contested.

Forbes has waded through the mess to take a closer look at the soiling claims:

…this certainly isn’t the first claim that the General SVR Telegram channel has made about Putin’s health. For example, in May 2022, the General SVR claimed that Putin had undergone surgery for some type of cancer diagnosis…

The operator of this channel remains anonymous and unconfirmed, meaning that it could still be anyone ranging from someone in the Kremlin to that barista at your local coffee shop who can never get your latte order quite right to your grandmother who happens to have some free time and an Internet connection.

As speculation and chatter have increased, photos and videos of Putin have been analysed for clues.

Diagnoses include everything from pancreatic cancer to Parkinson’s Disease and the Kremlin continues to deny that there is anything wrong.

Where does all of this leave us?

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to automatically poo-poo all claims about anyone falling down stairs and defecating until you’ve actually seen the poo. You don’t have to always say, “I want the poo and nothing but the poo.”

It does mean, however, that you should probably wait until you get confirmation from someone who is not anonymous and is instead a reliable—preferably medical—source before you believe anything said about Putin’s health. Anytime anyone anonymous tells you something, you’ve got to take it with a diaper-full of salt.

Forbes really going all-in on the poo puns there.

At least they resisted the temptation to write Poo-tin. One must draw the line somewhere.

There’s another option nobody is talking about here – maybe Putin trusted a fart and followed through. It happens more often than you think, allegedly, of course.

[sources:nypost&forbes]