[imagesource: YouTube / Scree Bites]

The fact that swearing is seen as such a vulgarity that it has to be edited out for daytime television is already somewhat laughable.

When censors have to overdub foul language with a substitute, no matter how unsuitable and nonsensical, it becomes an absolute barrel of laughs.

The practice of censoring out moments in explicit movie scenes has “created a niche comedic sensation” according to Far Out Magazine, which has compiled some of the most laugh-out-loud overdubbing moments in TV history.

You may have come across one of these holy grail moments already, which either completely alter the plot of the film or just seem wildly unrelated to the scene. It is not even that far-fetched to imagine that the censors might be in on the joke.

First up, there’s the hilariously strange overdub in one of the greatest films ever created, The Big Lebowski.

The actual line is supposed to be, “This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.” It was changed to something less violent and more surreal: “This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.”

One should go with it instead of trying to make sense of it:

Then, there’s the even less understandable outburst on the TV edit for Snakes on a Plane, in which Samuel L. Jackson exclaims: “Enough is enough! I have had it with these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane”,

That’s in place of the much more logical, “Enough is enough! I have had it with these mother f—king snakes, on this mother f—king plane!”:

Nowhere in the script are primates mentioned, and the notion of a plane remaining in the air for a whole working week is more mind-bending than the actual plot. This overdubbing opus is considered the finest ever drafted among the fanatical community of comedy censor fiends. It is, in short, pure poetry.

Masterful, indeed:

There’s also, most dubiously, a scene from Scarface, which is one of the most profane and violent films in mainstream cinema history.

Changing “How did you get the scar? Eating pussy?” to “Eating pineapple?” kind of makes the scene lose its effect, turning the insult into a general inquiry:

Somehow, Martin Scorsese authorised this circus-themed overdub of The Departed. The daytime TV version has the fearsome Jack Nicholson running some sort of clown thing rather than the Yakuza.

Try to keep up:

Lastly, one tweak in Die Hard with a Vengeance rendered the whole thing ridiculous:

The original plot sees a villain thrust John McClane into the heart of Harlem sporting a sandwich board – that he can’t remove – with a racial slur etched on it. Naturally, this causes uproar and retribution in the largely black neighbourhood. However, a sign saying ‘I HATE EVERYONE’ would surely never create more ruckus than a few suspect looks.

Enjoy:

These overdubbing moments really make you wonder if it would have just been easier, and far more effective, to just bleep it out.

What a monster trucking shame.

[source:faroutmagazine]