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Sheesh, there is a lot to unpack from that headline.

In case you hadn’t heard, Emily Ratajkowski is reportedly getting a divorce from Sebastian Bear-McClard. The two married in 2018 but it appears Bear-McClard has struggled to keep it in his pants over the past four years.

Two weeks ago, “a source close to Ratajkowski” confirmed to Page Six that the split was on, calling Bear-McClard “a serial cheater. It’s gross. He’s a dog.”

His former landlord, with whom he had a nasty falling out, would likely agree.

We go to Will Ferrell from Wedding Crashers for his take on Bear-McClard’s behaviour:

Fair.

With Emily seen out on the town sans wedding ring, it was only a matter of time until all those blokes who “missed their shot” started lining up.

Rolling Stone has pulled no punches when describing what’s going down:

…the heterosexual male community became nothing short of invigorated, apparently counting down the days until she would become available like a child before Christmas Day waiting to get a unicorn toy that shits Nerds.

This is, at least, the impression that one gets when surveying the gossip world. Everyone from Drake to John Mayer (identified in one blind item as an “A list musician who has a divorcee kink”) to Trevor Noah (with whom she had been spotted allegedly “canoodling” at Mike Rubin’s 4th of July White Party) has been said to be keeping their eye on Ratajkowski, according to various completely unverifiable reader-submitted tips to accounts like DeuxMoi.

To clarify, the Nerds she is shitting aren’t actually people.

It refers to those candies that offer “a mouthwatering, tasty, tangy mix of sweet and sour fruity flavours”.

Meh – speckled eggs reign supreme. Nerds be damned.

Despite the apparent clamour to be Emily’s next sidepiece, the lady herself seems rather nonplussed:

In fact, she seems wildly unbothered by any speculation into her private life, as evidenced by the baseball cap she recently wore with the subtle message “Ce n’est importe quoi” (translated into “it doesn’t matter”/”it doesn’t bother me”) during a casual stroll in front of the paparazzi recently

Or, as the likes of The Daily Mail report such things, she “flaunted her ample assets while walking on the street just weeks after splitting from serial cheater hubbie”.

That was a total guess but damn, I was close:

I must have seen this one from two weeks back:

What next for Emily? Rolling Stone has a few ideas:

It’s our hope, however, that she take all the time she needs to recover from her breakup the way any of us would: periodically going on crying jags, spending way too much time with her Womanizer, and taking molly at a dive bar and going home with a graphic designer/Flat Earther.

Way to dream big.

I popped past Emily’s Twitter account and some of her recent ‘Liked’ tweets tell their own story:

Nope, me neither.

[source:rollingstone]