[imagesource: Expat Explore]

What a week.

Yes, I know it’s only Tuesday.

In years gone by, we have called it the Edinburgh Fringe Festival but this time we shall go with the official name from the event’s website.

From Friday, August 5 through to Monday, August 29, many of the world’s top comedians will head to Scotland to perform. The Telegraph has asked some up-and-comers who will take part this year to submit their best one-liners and jokes.

That selection was narrowed down to 20 and we’ve cut it down to eight:

Patrick Spicer: Fear lives in my head 24-7, rent-free. And I live in fear. So that means I am sub-letting my own head.

Lily Philips: Acting isn’t a real job. If it was a real job, they wouldn’t let kids do it. The world isn’t full of 8-year-old plumbers because “they showed potential”.

Garrett Millerick: I used to think I hated Facebook. I realised I don’t, I hate people. When it comes to Marmite, nobody hates the jar.

Olaf Falafel: I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that’s four hours of my life that I’m definitely getting back.

Olaf won the “Funniest Joke of The Fringe” award in 2019 for this gem: “I keep randomly shouting out ‘Broccoli’ and ‘Cauliflower’ – I think I might have florets.”

That Facebook one really resonates with me because there’s a lot of truth to be unpacked there.

More jokes, go!

Rajiv Karia: I’m gutted. Just found out my wife’s been playing tennis with her sex instructor.

Hannah Fairweather: Before I started comedy, I used to think I was my own worst critic; I’ve since found out I am not, it’s actually a guy called Chris.

Red Richardson: I was watching a programme about sharks the other night and the guy hosting it said: “Sharks are more scared of us than we are of them.” Really? I doubt sharks stay up all night watching documentaries about me.

Listen, Red, you’re actually more likely to die from… well, you know the drill.

Your final joke:

Ignacio Lopez: Dogging is the most British thing ever; only the UK could take a look at an orgy and think: “How can we make this more like a car boot sale?”

Feel free to Google ‘dogging’ in your own time, on your own browser.

The selection above is entertaining but the best stuff obviously comes out during the festival – here, here, here, for example, to jog your memory.

Is it Wednesday yet?

[source:telegraph]