[imagesource: Flight Attendant Life]

Flight attendants have to deal with a lot, like getting hit in the face and losing teeth for telling an unhinged passenger to follow in-flight protocol.

But that’s the misfortune a flight attendant in a commercial flight must face, whereas attending to the rich and famous on their private luxury jets is a whole other story.

A flight attendant, under the alias Saskia Swann (not pictured above), is writing a book revealing all the secrets of the industry, from getting propositioned for sex to cleaning up after her clients’ mistresses to make way for their wives, and everything imaginable in-between.

Swann has been hired over the years to attend to property tycoons, wealthy bankers, oil barons, and Saudi princes on their luxurious private jets, and she has been there, done that, and worn the designer uniform to prove it.

Via NewsAU, she says a particularly memorable incident was when she walked in on her boss, the property tycoon, having sex with his famous dancer lover in the cabin:

“All I could see were his feet poking out beneath the duvet,” she said.

“I couldn’t see his face, only her bare back. She was kneeling astride him, groaning.

“It wasn’t the moment to ask, ‘Would you care for the full English?’”

Swann moved from commercial flying after a chance encounter in a London bar led to a meeting with a recruiter of flight attendants for work on private jets.

And then she was set for life, but not without having to handle a few tricky situations from a couple of elites:

“There was a British Prime Minister who always liked me to serve him champagne for breakfast,” she said.

“And I witnessed a Hollywood star remove a wrap of cocaine from his waistband before heading to his private room.

“There was one US rap duo who caused £50 000 (R970 000) worth of damage when ink from their garish trousers left blue bottom-stains on the luxury white leather. It all needed to be replaced.”

The property tycoon was not the only man she saw in the sheets with his mistress. There was also the Saudi prince.

She tells all about how she had to scatter white rose petals for the prince’s wife, the princess, when she was to board, and then scatter red petals when his mistress was about to board.

The petals seemed to have worked out well for the prince:

“I was heading through to the lounge when I saw him and his mistress having sex,” she said.

“There were lumps and bumps moving beneath a cashmere blanket, clothes discarded on the floor and what looked to be a thong coiled on the table next to the canapes.

“Fortunately, they were in the missionary position, facing the rear of the plane, so didn’t see me.”

This was a little after she worked for a Russian billionaire who made her “feel like Pretty Woman”:

She was offered a £40 000 (R780 000) salary, designer uniform and luggage, five-star hotels, free business and first-class flights if flying commercially, and a daily allowance of £80 (R1 500) and a company credit card.

She was also treated to a wardrobe of clothes from Harrods.

Apparently, the jet was also incredibly opulent, with fibre-optic ceiling lights to emulate stars twinkling, a corner jacuzzi bath with gold taps, fresh flowers, and ice buckets loaded with champagne.

Besides Swann being told “one f**k-up and we’ll all be sacked,” after quickly erasing all evidence of his wife’s presence on the plane, then the same again when the mistress left, she was also told that “he expects a little bit more from his flight attendants – he likes us [crew members] to sleep with him from time to time.”

Swann’s “sex call” came on a stopover in New York and she went ahead with the proposal after another crew member assured her that he was a “lovely man” that’ll treat her like a princess:

“So you can either risk losing your job or scrub that pretty face, dig out your best lingerie and enjoy being spoiled. At least you’re single, you’re not hurting anyone.”

The first night must not have been so awful:

“We danced in our underwear and were having a food fight,” Ms Swann said.

“He cut a comical figure. He, a powerful billionaire, leaping around the room, holding a king prawn to his mouth (his pretend rave whistle), pastry confetti clinging to his chest hair, cream on his face.

“Our dancing ended in sex, on the luscious carpet among scraps of food. Interminable missionary sex. I’m sure he had taken Viagra.”

Although, she didn’t accept just any proposition that came her way from the men she worked with.

She once told a tech tycoon employer to stick it when he offered to pay her to work for him exclusively in return for sex.

While Swann feels grateful that she’s worked for most decent clients, there are some rather dodgy characters out there, too:

“Attendants have a list of jet owners known to be dodgy, from those who expect sexual favours [and keep their attendants in the ‘palace’, paying them handsomely and testing them for AIDS regularly] to others who demand their staff undergo cosmetic surgery, nips, tucks, Botox, boob enlargements or reductions.

Above And Beyond: Secrets Of A Private Flight Attendant, by  Swann and Nicola Stow, is out on Thursday.

I’m sure there will be plenty of guesses as to which princes, politicians, and famous people feature.

[source:newsau]