[imagesource:here]

Loneliness is a very real threat to mental and physical health.

With the current state of affairs, people being overworked, and of course the COVID-19 pandemic, loneliness has in itself become a bit of a pandemic.

But there is another state that mirrors that of being lonely.

VICE has reported on the state of  “aloneliness” that many people may alternatively (or simultaneously) be suffering from, named by Robert Coplan, a psychologist at Carleton University in Canada, and his colleagues in 2019.

Loneliness happens when you aren’t getting quality time with other people.

Aloneliness, on the other hand, is when you aren’t getting enough quality time with yourself.

The keyword here is quality: one might be in company and feel incredibly lonely if the social connections are weak or perhaps non-existent, or one might feel similarly dissatisfied if they are only spending time with other people and can’t connect to themselves.

You may have felt alonely, even without realising there are scientific studies to back it up.

Perhaps you can relate to what Kate Morgan wrote in Elemental last summer, about how spending increased time with your partner can cause conflict:

“If all your leisure time—really, all your time—is together time, you’ll probably start to feel disconnected from yourself,” relationship coach Veronica Monet told her.

Otherwise, you may feel similar to what was written in the MIT Tech Review from last year, which spoke about how the pandemic brought on a deluge of virtual events and activities, leaving little time for people to decompress by themselves.

I am sure parents have felt this, too, as they often get very few moments to themselves.

Either way, aloneliness is an area that’s become incredibly relevant for the enduring social limbo we’ve found ourselves in:

“I have to say, it’s certainly become an interesting time to be someone who studies social isolation, loneliness, and solitude,” Coplan said.

While social connections are terribly important for our general wellbeing, so is some alone time.

The beneficial effects of being alone range from being better able to manage difficult emotions to exploring your creativity:

Studies have found that teens who spent about 25 to 30 percent of their waking hours alone had lower depression scores, better grades, and higher behavioral ratings from teachers.

Many religious figures, philosophers, and psychologists agree with this thinking:

“[They] have argued since forever that people occasionally or often need some time alone to feel some space and freedom to think about something important to them, do something creative or spiritual, connect with nature, or whatever other thing is difficult for them to do when they are surrounded by other people,” said Christopher Long, an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences.

Virginia Woolf agrees:

“For now she need not think of anybody. She could be herself, by herself. And that was what now she often felt the need of—to think; well not even to think. To be silent; to be alone.”

It should be noted that there are key differences between loneliness and solitude:

“Most importantly, loneliness is an involuntary state,” said Virginia Thomas, an assistant professor of psychology at Middlebury College.

Long agreed, and said he’s found in his research the main difference between a positive and negative solitary experience is a person’s degree of choice:

“People who had a negative experience of solitude—and ended up feeling lonely, bored, or some other unpleasant feeling—often wanted to be with other people or couldn’t engage some activity that they wanted to do,” he said.

People who wanted to be alone enjoyed the state far more.

Of course, too much of anything is never a good thing.

Researchers warn us of the “paradox of solitude” where solo time can have positive effects, yet too much can negatively impact well-being.

Overall, Coplan thinks that just spreading awareness that aloneliness can be affecting you alongside loneliness will be beneficial:

“It’s something that people are not really that mindful of,” he said. “One of the things that we found is people might be feeling stressed or irritable and they don’t know why.”

The main take away is that aloneliness is wholly necessary to remind ourselves that we all need to use time alone to decompress, destress, and connect with ourselves through quality time.

And there’s certainly not a better time for this than now.

[source:vice]