[imagesource: wayhomestudio]

As an author, finding yourself on the list of nominees for the Bad Sex In Fiction Award doesn’t bode well for your chances of winning the Booker Prize.

I’ve read a few scenes over the years that have left me horrified, and a little concerned for the authors who, judging by how they think sex plays out, can’t be having a good time in their own lives.

The upside to all of this is that once a year we can delight and cringe at these passages, marvel at the fact that they made it through the editorial process at the publisher, and add the book that they appear in to the list of novels to be avoided.

According to The Guardian, the award was set up by Auberon Waugh in 1993, with the intention of:

“…gently dissuading authors and publishers from including unconvincing, perfunctory, embarrassing or redundant passages of a sexual nature in otherwise sound literary novels.”

Last year the award was shared. One winner was Didier Decoin for The Office of Gardens and Ponds, which included the passage, “Miyuki felt as though she was manipulating a small monkey that was curling up its paws”.

Gross.

The other winner was John Harvey for Pax, in which the characters “embraced as if with violent holding they could weld the two of them into one”.

The first one is worse.

If you’re gearing up for this year’s offering, you’ll be sadly disappointed. They’ve decided to cancel the awards.

The award’s judges said they took the decision because they felt “the public had been subjected to too many bad things this year to justify exposing it to bad sex as well”.

Fewer books were published this year because of the coronavirus, and this was likely to have been a factor, too.

The judges also warned authors that just because the awards were cancelled, they shouldn’t take it as an opportunity to “write bad sex”.

“With lockdown regulations giving rise to all manner of novel sexual practices, the judges anticipate a rash of entries next year,” said a spokesperson.

“Authors are reminded that cybersex and other forms of home entertainment fall within the purview of this award. Scenes set in fields, parks or back yards, or indoors with the windows open and fewer than six people present will not be exempt from scrutiny.”

You heard them – watch yourself.

To make up for the absence of the Bad Sex Awards, I’ll leave you with a dramatic reading of Sandra Hill’s godawful sex scene in Rough and Ready, which, although it’s from eight years ago, is still a classic.

Consider it a Throwback Thursday treat:

She really outdid herself with that one.

[source:guardian]