If I’m paying R35 000 a month to rent a one-bedroom apartment, I better be getting something majestic.

I’ll add a few more adjectives – phenomenal, distinguished, extraordinary, and exclusive – all of which occur in the description of the one-bedroom Oranjezich apartment listed on Private Property.

In order to rent this apartment, you should be someone who appreciates “style, class, craftsmanship and beautiful interior design”.

Look, I’m paying a bloody fortune, isn’t that enough?

Let’s see if you’re getting bang for your buck:

This penthouse apartment offers indoor and outdoor living. The integrated kitchen with all modern appliances, spectacular cabinetry and all the specs one could desire is open plan to the beautifully designed dining area and Italian designed lounge, which effortlessly flows out to the floating iron and wooden deck.

This area has breath-taking views which seems cliche to say, but with Table Mountain as your back drop, the city bowl below and beaches and night light a mere 5 minutes away – this is a perfect place to call your humble abode.

There is no chance I’m paying R35 000 a month and telling people I live in a humble abode. Or if I do, it’s going to be in that really smug way.

“Sorry, guys, it’s not much but it’s somewhere to rest my head.”

The listing goes on to say the apartment has “a New York vibe back street entrance”, and allows to you “live the Cape Town dream”.

The view from the deck does hit the spot:

Let’s skip across to the Atlantic Seaboard side of the city, and a two-bedroom apartment in Clifton, also on Private Property, that’s going for R37 000 a month.

The view from this one is also, as Borat might say, very nice, “where you can enjoy sundowners every evening while watching the yachts float by on the magnificent turquoise ocean beyond”.

Unusually eloquent for a property listing, but alright:

Spacious open plan lounge, dining room and kitchen with a separate chill area.

Vast windows boast endless views of the Atlantic Ocean. Communal Gym and Laundry conveniently on the same floor.

Just the one parking bay, though.

See the rest of the images from that listing here.

Are you torn between the two apartments now? If you are then congrats, you’re living with the very definition of first world problems.

[sources:privateproperty&privateproperty]