I take special pride in eating chicken breasts and drum sticks.

I don’t use my hands. I use a knife and fork and I do a better job than the rest of you, with your sticky fingers and sauce all over your filthy mouth. You disgust me.

My chicken-eating prowess is known throughout my extended ‘group’ – it’s one of a long list of special skills I’m famed for. Along with that thing I do with my feet on the dance floor and perfect backward dives into the swimming pool.

But if only they knew I had difficulty with chicken wings. That’s why I generally avoid them – because it’s a messy affair. You’d need surgical tools to do it the way I’d prefer.

That said, when starving and forced to eat them, I usually use my hands. In private, of course. I wouldn’t want anyone to see me being as filthy as them.

I get that there is no way around using my hands, but surely there is a better way to deal with that complicated end part – where the meat is stuck between the two bones?

Oh yes, there is, my friends. And that’s precisely why this video has been watched over 4 million times.

Wow – I cannot WAIT to be served chicken wings again. I’ll grab one with my hands.

My friends will stare, mouths agape, thinking I’ve failed my lifelong quest to be amazing and clean at the same time. I’ll raise one eyebrow, smile knowingly, and allow them to witness true genius.

Once again.