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The press has been back and forth between two biographies, both claiming to tell the real story behind Meghan and Harry’s relationship and how it impacted their decision to leave royal duties.

The first on the scene was Meghan and Harry: The Real Story which told the world that Meghan was bored with royal life long before #Megxit.

Who can blame her?

Even Prince Charles looks like he’s on autopilot when out in the world, and he seems to be happy to stick around, even though there’s a strong possibility that his mother will outlive him.

Then there’s Finding Freedom, which sounds more like the biography of someone who escaped prison than two wealthy people who had a family fight, quit their ‘jobs’, and started new ones.

So far the biography has solved one mystery for the ages – the name of Meghan and Harry’s dog. 

Now more insight has come forth about the couple’s life.

Thankfully, The Telegraph gathered some of the more interesting bits, so we don’t have to read the thing.

Meghan had to train to get in and out of a car in a pencil skirt

That time that Meghan closed her own car door clearly had a knock-on effect because she was forced to practise getting in and out of cars wearing a pencil skirt. Kate received the same training. I’m surprised they weren’t sent off to finishing school in the 1800s just to be safe.

Meghan was “kidnapped by terrorists”

Not really – officers pretending to be terrorists kidnapped her.

The Duchess had to undergo a two-day security training course with the Special Air Service (SAS).

The authors wrote: “The training – which all senior members of the royal family except the Queen have completed at SAS headquarters in Hereford – is preparation for all high-risk security scenarios including kidnapping, hostage situations and terrorist attacks.”

The duchess was “bundled into the back of a car” by a “terrorist” and driven to a location before she was saved by officers.

As serious as this is, it still sounds like more fun than the pencil skirt training.

The Tatler also found some good bits in the biography:

Meghan went to the loo in the woods

When the royal couple went on a camping trip in Botswana, Harry was amazed by Meghan’s willingness to “use the toilet al fresco”.

“Harry was delightfully surprised by Meghan’s down-to-earth attitude,’ it says. ‘While camping she cleaned her face with baby wipes and happily wandered into the woodlands if she needed a bathroom break.”

I’m sure everyone defecating in the grounds at Belmoral will likewise be delighted to discover that it’s not just the common folk pooping in the wilderness.

Archie’s night nurse was fired during her second shift

They won’t say what she did, only that she was “unprofessional”. After a few weeks with a new nurse, they decided to abandon night nurses entirely and take care of their baby themselves.

The Queen was nice to Meghan

Despite rumours to the contrary, the book claims that the Queen was actually quite lovely during her training sessions with Meghan.

“The Queen was wonderful, warm, and generous toward the new Duchess, a source close to Her Majesty said. She made sure Meghan knew what was going on and made her feel very much at home because it was her first trip. Indeed, before the two stepped off the train, the Queen gifted Meghan with a delicate pair of pearl-and-diamond earrings.”

This is all perfectly normal.

Harry likes emojis

Harry likes emojis, but he doesn’t understand them.

‘His messages were often short and full of emojis, in particular the ghost emoji, which he often used instead of a smiley face… For what reason? Nobody knows. But Meghan found his texting etiquette funny and adorable, just like the prince.’

Minus five points for Gryffindor, thanks to Harry’s wanton and incorrect use of emojis. Hang on – am I doing this right?

If you want more of this nonsense, go here.

Just keep in mind that the Duke and Duchess didn’t participate in writing this book, so take everything with a pinch of salt.

Or don’t.

I can’t tell you what to do.

[sources:telegraph&tatler]