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Ranking things like movies and songs often brings out the argumentative streak in people, and I imagine this time will be no different.

Was Jim Carrey’s greatest ever performance in Liar, Liar? Is ‘Champagne Supernova’ the greatest Oasis track of all time? Is Jacques Kallis the greatest test cricketer that ever lived?

The last one doesn’t need to be an argument. You’re better than that. He is, and Ben Stokes will never come close to matching his exploits. Move on.

We’ve drifted a little off-topic, though, so let’s talk music. We’re not the ones doing the ranking, because Rolling Stone has decided to single out the 75 greatest boy band songs of all time.

You’re welcome to plough through the full list here, but let’s just look at the top six:

One Direction, “What Makes You Beautiful” (2011):

The reassuring pop hit is classic boy band clichés above a less-classic pop-rock sound. Fans were so hooked on the song and its beach-set video — which premiered a month before the single’s official release on YouTube — that they flooded radio stations to request a song they hadn’t even received yet.

The track is so unimpeachably good that member Harry Styles broke one of the biggest boy band taboos in history by including it on the set list for his first tour as a solo artist in 2017, a few years after the group disbanded.

Harry, how dare you?

In fifth is a recent song, BTS, “Moon” (2020):

BTS have turned into the world’s biggest group, yet they did it all their way — by totally defying the clichés of how the music business is supposed to work…

“Moon” is from BTS’ latest blockbuster, Map of the Soul: 7. It’s their version of that classic boy-band staple: the love song to the fans. The music is spacey guitar pop, and Jin sings about how the audience is his Earth, while he’s just the moon that revolves around it, orbiting and shining.

Never heard it before. Let’s do this together:

Taking home fourth spot is one I’m sure we are all familiar with…

Backstreet Boys, “I Want It That Way” (1999):

Swedish songwriters Andreas Carlsson and Max Martin were still working on their English when they came up with the couplet “You are my fire/The one desire.” “The lyric doesn’t really mean anything,” the former would eventually admit…

Then the two songwriters completed the finishing touch: “The last thing that was added was the [opening guitar line] ‘ba-do-do-ba-do-do-do,’ which was like a Metallica kind of riff — which was off for the boy band scene at the time.”

Not sure how kindly Metallica would take to that reference, but down memory lane, we go:

So many terrible haircuts, so many terrible fashion choices, and a fair few memories, too.

Third is New Edition, “Candy Girl” (1983):

When Maurice Starr saw Ricky Bell, Michael Bivins, Bobby Brown, Ronnie DeVoe and Ralph Tresvant at a talent show in the Dorchester section of Boston, he had a feeling … that he had another Jackson 5 on his hands.

Enter “Candy Girl,” an extra-sugary update of the Jacksons’ “ABC” that gave New Edition their first taste of fame. Tresvant’s high, sweet voice made him the band’s Michael analogue, but the bridge — where the boys rap their devotionals to their girls of choice — added just enough edge to help it top the R&B chart in the U.S.

Probably not the first name on many lists, but it is catchy:

The silver song medal goes to ‘N Sync, for “Bye, Bye, Bye” (2000):

“There’s a little more edge to this album, a little more grit,” Justin Timberlake told Rolling Stone shortly before the release of 2000’s No Strings Attached, joking about the lawsuits that prevented its release. “We’re pissed off now — that’s what it is. We’re angry white boys who didn’t get our props.”

‘N Sync’s opening volley was “Bye, Bye, Bye,” a kiss-off from Sweden’s Cheiron Studios that had previously been turned down by Britishers Take That. It remains their defining track, a four-minute blast of big hooks, tight harmonies and intriguingly meta subtext.

I bet the teenage girls who propelled the group to megastardom were all about that “meta subtext”.

Hit it, Justin and the other ones:

Finally, we have the greatest boy band song of all time, and we’re headed all the way back to 1969 for the top spot:

The Jackson 5, “I Want You Back”:

Sure, the soaring strings on the Jackson 5’s first Motown single skip along like carefree first-graders, and the thumping bassline is one of pop’s closest appropriations of the heartbeat.

But the real hero of “I Want You Back” is Michael Jackson, then still a preteen but blessed with a voice and interpretive skill that could turn a desperate attempt to rekindle romance (originally thought of as a Gladys Knight or Diana Ross vehicle) into something visceral and joyous. Jackson’s octave-leaping tour de force established him as a star almost as soon as the song’s first 45 was pressed.

I’m sure there will be many who disagree, but I consider this a worthy winner, and it never fails to make my feet tap:

Back in a simpler time, when Jackon was a child, as opposed to his later years, when…

Well, never mind.

For those wondering, Hanson’s 1997 “MMMBop” also cracked the top 10, as did LFO’s 1999 “Summer Girls”.

See the full list of the 75 songs here.

[source:rollingstone]