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These are contentious times.

When the pandemic set in, we were confronted with many people who took a rather cavalier approach to the virus, leaving their homes during the hard lockdown and forsaking face masks, because “we’re all going to get it, so why bother?”

Then there are those, now that we can leave the house, who either don’t wear a mask at all, or wear one incorrectly.

And, it’s not just masks.

When confronted with someone with a problematic, and potentially dangerous, attitude to serious issues it’s tempting to call them an idiot and move on.

Unfortunately, that person is probably not going to take your words to heart, and social media is full of folks bickering over the trivial and no so trivial matters of the day.

So, if you want to change minds, rather than live in a constant state of frustration, here’s Medium’s 10-step guide to persuading someone to change their mind.

1. Work out what you actually want to say and then let it go

This is all about emotional satisfaction versus long-term effects. You need to release any anger or frustration that you’re feeling so that you aren’t tempted to lash out.

Write it all down and then throw it away.

2. Who is your target audience?

You need to think about who you’re trying to persuade. Picture a single person, rather than a group, and outline some basic information about them.

• Where did they grow up?
• Do they practise religion?
• What words do they use in everyday speech?
• Body language, facial expressions and so on.

Constructing a clearer picture of your target audience will help you to understand them.

3. What do they believe?

Insert yourself into your target’s world, and figure out what led them to their beliefs. Most people assume that they know best and that those who disagree with them are misguided or fools. Adopt that mindset from the perspective of your target. Once you know what they believe and why they believe it, you’ll be better equipped to argue against it.

4. If you believed what they believe, what would make you question it?

Research example of people who have changed their opinions on key issues, especially those that pertain directly to what you’re arguing.

5. Make sure your target is in the right frame of mind

If someone is mid-rant or radiating anger they’re not going to be open to other points of view. If they seem up for a conversation, here’s how to get things going:

Present your argument with the premise that their faulty belief stems from systemic or environmental reasons — what they were taught in school, for instance — not because of a personal failing. If you suggest otherwise, all you’ll get is defensiveness.

Just make sure that you point out that even though it’s not their fault they believed what they did, now that they know better, they have a responsibility to do something about it.

6. What do I want them to believe?

You need to have a clear idea of what it is you’re trying to convince someone of. Identify your goal and write it down in a sentence or two.

7. Figure out why you want to change this person’s mind

What would the world look like if you changed this person’s mind? Tell yourself that this argument forms part of a larger project.

8. What’s the smallest outcome you could hope for?

Asking someone to completely change their mind in one sitting is not going to work. Think incrementally.

Each small change should require a commitment, but not something so big that it becomes a burden.

9. Figure out what they get out of it

You need to identify what’s in it for them. A benefit to change is more likely to elicit a positive result.

10. ‘Pink shirt’ theory

If you’re casually walking down the street and someone asks you how many pink shirts you saw along the way, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell them. If before you headed out, someone told you to look out for pink shirts, you’d see them everywhere.

You can use this strategy to get your message across. Suppose you’re trying to persuade someone about the effects of income inequality. End with this: “When you see a failing student, there’s probably a parent working multiple jobs to survive. That’s income inequality. When you see a failing school, there’s probably a teacher lacking basic supplies. That’s income inequality.”

Now when that person hears a story about a teacher fronting money for textbooks, they’ll associate it with income inequality.

You’ve done just about everything now except connecting the dots – let the other person do that work.

Most of all, keep your emotions in check and try to see things from all sides.

And when confronted with a troll: don’t feed it.

[source:medium]