[imagesource: Streetstyleograph / Getty Images]

You might have caught the Business Insider article about why face shields are better than face masks. Our editorial team discussed the issue at length and, let it be known, we are FIRMLY against face shields and the people that wear them.

Healthcare workers? Fine. Retail workers and others in the firing line? Fine. People who need complete protection due to being immunocompromised? Of course. General members of the public who are known to be ‘small talkers’? No, stop it.

We refer to these people as ‘Welders’, of course.

If there was one positive to come out of lockdown life (besides having more time to appreciate the simple things and blah blah, get the violins), it is surely the joys of visiting the shops anonymously and therefore avoiding any and all small talk with people who have a knack of bumping into you. Total and utter anonymity.

Let me tell you a story that took place at Constantia Village. Where else? I went full chameleon as usual, i.e. mask, shades, and cap. Complete social protection.

I stood behind a known bog-fly in the Woolies queue for 10 glorious minutes, without said bog-fly saying a word to me. What a thrill that was.

Although he did try very hard to identify me as someone he knew, there was nothing he could do to be sure. He kept glancing, trying hard to find a revealing feature he could use as verification. Such is the desperate need these types have to corner people.

They survive on cartilage, and if they don’t get to chew somebody’s ear every couple of hours, they could actually die. That’s why the lockdown is even more serious for them.

Psychologically, the decision to reveal your face amongst a sea of masks does suggest narcissistic behaviour. How else could you explain the ease at which you show your entire face when you cannot identify 99% of the people around you? Numbed (freed) from the urge to look at other people because they’re all wearing masks, the vast majority is forced to look at your face. You might as well be nude.

Socially speaking, I would imagine Welders to be the type who suffer from FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), whilst the mask purist is more inclined to experience JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out) when not invited to… anything.

We will be analysing Welders more in weeks to come. But one thing’s for sure, 2oceansvibe staffers will be wearing face masks to the shops long after lockdown ends. Goodbye, small talk.

I’ve even gone one step further and have started sending out decoys. Yup – no jokes. I ordered 50 of those face masks from Logical Print, with 2oceansvibe branding, and gave them away to a bunch of people.

Those details, should you wish to follow suit:

Those numbers may also come in handy for regular business owners who aren’t trying to confuse your suburban bog-fly.

I don’t wear the 2oceansvibe-branded face masks myself, but figured it would throw people off the scent.

That’s black belt anonymous.