Hi, and welcome to another edition of ‘which South African minister is making the biggest fool of themselves during the national lockdown”.

OK, this is the first edition, but it’s probably long overdue.

Don’t let the above image fool you, because communications minister Stella Ndabeni-Abrahams is being given a serious run for her money.

While South Africa’s “ruthlessly efficient” action with regards to our early call to enforce a national lockdown, not every minister is covering themselves in glory.

Let’s start with Stella and her inability to follow the rules, and subsequent inability to craft a semi-believable excuse with the help of a fellow politician.

The Mail & Guardian reports:

She was pictured at a luncheon at the home of former deputy minister of higher education Mduduzi Manana — a violation of South Africa’s 21-day national lockdown…

The picture, which has been deleted, was posted by Manana on Instagram on Sunday. In it, Manana can be seen with his family and Ndabeni-Abrahams.

Manana captioned the picture: “It was great to host a former colleague and dear sister Cde Stella Ndabeni- Abrahams (Minister of Communication and Digital Technologies) on her way back from executing critical and essential services required for the effective functioning of our country during the nationwide lockdown.”

A classic case of one rule for us, and another rule for our politicians.

Ndabeni-Abrahams is yet to release a public statement (UPDATE – SHE HAS – SEE IT HERE), but Manana did release this via Instagram:

If you can’t read that, here’s the gist via EWN:

“The minister relayed to me that the students are in need of PPEs, which my foundation has been handing over to marginalised communities. I then asked the minister to pass by my private residence to collect the material, which she gladly did.”

He said when the Ndabeni-Abrahams arrived, his family was having lunch, and he invited her to join them, to which she agreed, which is when the picture was taken.

“She then collected the material and headed to her next assignment. She took the first patch for the Fourways students and indicated that the next visit will be tomorrow (08 April 2020) at the Menlyn site, which our team will be delivering.”

Sure, we’re buying that one.

Even if true, nobody at that table was practising safe physical distancing protocol.

This isn’t Stella’s first blunder in recent times. You may recall this trainwreck interview from February, and you can find a list of other gaffes here.

Condemnation has been swift, with headlines like ‘Lonely? Stupid? SA’s dying to know why Stella lunched at Chez Manana’ and ‘Ndabeni-Abrahams is a huge, embarrassing misfit in cabinet. Fire her!’ out there.

Before we move on to the other ministers, here’s a scathing takedown of these farcical lies from the Daily Maverick’s Richard Poplak:

The ANC lies as a matter of course, but this porky pie felt a little more gruesome than most. People in this country are suffering in previously unimaginable ways – we are all about to learn that there is no discernible bottom…

If high-ranking members of the government don’t grasp that they need to lead by example during the most dangerous moment in modern history – if they don’t understand the gravity of the situation we’re facing – then this lockdown is going to result in an unpleasant reckoning that Ramaphosa and his technocrats won’t be able to halt. Ndabeni-Abrahams was among those who were happy to push for citizens to give up their rights and their way of life – as communications minister, she has influence over how we are tracked and corralled by our digital devices. And yet when she announced the government’s intention to become infinitely more invasive, she didn’t blink.

For those wondering, yes, President Ramaphosa is aware of all of this, and has taken action:

The rest of this thread outlines that action in full:

As to allegations that the Minister violated the lockdown regulations, the law should take its course. This follows the revelation on social media that the Minister had recently visited the home of a friend who hosted a lunch, contrary to the lockdown regulations.

The President summoned the Minister yesterday, Tuesday 07 April 2020. The President expressed his disapproval of the Minister’s actions, which undermine the requirement that all citizens stay at home and save South Africa from the spread of the coronavirus.

The President accepted the Minister’s apology for the violation but was unmoved by mitigating factors she tendered.

President Ramaphosa has placed the Minister on special leave for 2 months, during which Minister in The Presidency Jackson Mthembu will act in Minister Ndabeni-Abrahams’ position. The President has reprimanded the Minister & directed her to deliver a public apology to the nation.

The President said: “The nation-wide lockdown calls for absolute compliance on the part of all South Africans. Members of the National Executive carry a special responsibility in setting an example to South Africans, who are having to make great sacrifices.

“None of us – not least a member of the National Executive – should undermine our national effort to save lives in this very serious situation. I am satisfied that Minister Ndabeni-Abrahams appreciates the seriousness of what she has done and that no-one is above the law.”

That’s one down, and two to go.

OK, let’s turn our attention towards Fikile Mbalula, or Mr Fix as he calls himself on Twitter.

Exactly what he’s fixing is a mystery to us all – it sure as hell isn’t Prasa – but he does seem adept at flouting the lockdown laws, and endangering lives, in an effort to hog the limelight.

For the umpteenth time, and up against some stiff competition, he was named the Sunday Times’ ‘Mampara of the week’:

He often shoots from the hip and spews a lot of hot air. The problem, however, is that the coronavirus, the 21-day lockdown and the regulations governing it are not a joke.

As transport minister, Fikile Mbalula has to ensure that taxis, which ferry essential workers to their places of employment, stick to physical distancing rules.

So what does Mamparalula do? He calls a press conference at a packed taxi rank.

He gets bullied by taxi associations into agreeing that minibuses can carry 100% of their capacity, instead of 50% as earlier regulated.

A few hours later, presumably after sense has been knocked into his head, he reverses that to 70% of capacity.

Mr President, please put this flip-flop clown into lockdown.

Please, President Ramaphosa, that’s Stella and Fikile.

I know they say three’s a crowd, but maybe you can also find space for Bheki Cele?

For some reason, our Minister of Police seems to view the consumption of alcohol as a personal affront.

Sure, there is some merit in saying that pissed up citizens are more likely to break the lockdown laws put in place for our own safety, but that’s really not what he’s on about.

Yesterday, donning his signature shitty hat, and a mask that is clearly being worn incorrectly, Cele went off on a tirade against alcohol.

At a time when level heads and clear, concise messaging from our government is more important than ever, we get this.

From 40 seconds, look at the kick he gets out of being all-powerful:

You guys must stop troubling Bheki Cele 🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/I09MqrNLsl

— Nhlaka Shimz (@Nhlaka_Shimz) April 7, 2020

Guess what he wants for his birthday?

Bheki Cele deserves “Man of the year” 😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/fIQc2RFcSy

— Ol’Tymers Session (@JazzinsoulOTS) April 7, 2020

Alcohol never sold again? This isn’t performance art, man – take your job seriously.

Imagine if he turned the same disgust he has towards alcohol towards the looting of this country, or our domestic abuse and rape crisis? He is the Minister of Police, after all.

The man is a wannabe gangster who thinks this is his time in the limelight, when in all honesty the majority of us would like to see him quarantined for the mental health of the nation.

So, who is the worst of the lot – Stella Ndabeni-Abrahams, Fikile Mbalula, or Bheki Cele?

[sources:mg&ewn&sundaytimes]