Clearly, you Vaalies aren’t feeling all that relaxed by the end of year break.

First, we had the Kyalami sword fight, which was both a joy to watch and a reminder that these heathens walk amongst us.

Usually around December and January, actually, when they descend on the Cape and can be found strutting their stuff along the Atlantic Seaboard, wearing Ed Hardy t-shirts and talking far louder than is necessary.

It seems that brawling in Jozi is very much in vogue at the moment, with a rumble in the streets of the popular Greenside area this past weekend being caught on camera.

To set the scene, here’s TimesLIVE:

“It all started with two young girls who had some kind of issue with each other on social media and then they bumped into each other,” Creamy Café owner Koba Iakobidze told TimesLIVE.

Iakobidze said the girls, accompanied by their friends, bumped into each other at another venue on Friday evening. “I think one of the groups was kicked out there and then they were on their way this side. The other group followed them.”

“I didn’t let them in on my side. They were just arguing on the streets when one of the girls called her mother and her aunts. When they arrived, the girls were just disrespectful to them.

“The other girl also called her mother and aunts, and then they called their husbands and brothers. It was just chaos.”

Mothers and aunts and brothers and husbands – sounds like a real family affair.

According to police spokesperson Captain Mavela Masondo, nine people were arrested, and have been released on bail ahead of an impending court appearance.

Let’s begin with an aerial shot of the melee:

Who did it better – Greenside, or Parkhurst? You decide.

If David Attenborough was to narrate this fight, he would point out that those must be the two alpha males, looking to assert their dominance as the females look on.

Iakobidze also added that one of the mothers had a small baseball bat which she was swinging, and that police largely stood by and watched whilst the brawl was ongoing.

South African comedian Simmi Areff found the time to put together a mock trailer for what he calls ‘The Greenside Massacre’:

Here is the Documentary of what has been called “The Greenside Massacre”. Netflix holla at me. https://t.co/EkaIZCrmHX pic.twitter.com/Ax82Nmei0r

— Simmi Areff (@simmiareff) January 26, 2020

Whilst it’s easy for us to laugh, residents are growing weary of these curbside battles:

The Greenside Residents’ Association said several complaints had been raised over the years in the area.

The association said there were noise disturbances, drunken customers, environmental pollution, traffic chaos at night, drag racing and “car-boot parties” on Gleneagles and Greenway roads…

“As a result of this, residents of Greenside are being driven away from the business area and this causes damage to legitimate business and harms daytime trade.”

I feel for the residents.

I guess I also feel for those involved, who are clearly a few creatine shakes short of a full breakfast.

[source:timeslive]