If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.

If you insist on doing the crime, then you’d better have enough cash to bring in a prison consultant.

Full House star Lori Laughlin has hired a prison expert to prepare for possible jail time if she is found guilty in her upcoming trial related to the college admissions scandal.

Things aren’t looking all that rosy for Laughlin. Felicity Huffman has already spent some time kicking it in the prison yard over at the Federal Correctional Institution in Dublin, US, after pleading guilty to mail fraud and honest services fraud.

She’s out of the big house now and completing community service as part of her sentence.

Huffman went in blind, but Laughlin wants to prepare.

I did a quick search for ‘prison consultants’ online and found Executive Prison Consultants, a business that really gets to the heart of what it’s like to go to prison.

Are you facing the prospect of serving time in federal prison?  Are you already serving a federal sentence? Either way, you have embarked on a personal journey that can be confusing, frightening, and intimidating. It doesn’t have to be that way. With experienced and professional experts guiding you through the process, you can place yourself in a position to minimize the negative impact a prison term will have on your life.

‘Personal journey’ is one way of putting it.

Town & Country has more on exactly what a ‘prison consultant’ does.

They charge thousands for their advice (and some six figures for help managing your affairs while you are inside), but we ­rounded up some of the top consultants—as well as some high-profile prisoners—to ask for their most crucial insights. Because, you know, you never know.

Once you’re in prison, the most important thing that a consultant can do for you is teach you ‘prison etiquette’.

Here are the crib notes:

They don’t elaborate on why the mackerel tins will come in handy so you’ll just have to use your imagination.

The reality is that whether you end up at a low-security prison camp, or in an actual prison, you probably aren’t going to enjoy your time there. That’s the whole point.

Finally, if you want to avoid being shunned, make sure that you don’t come across as a bootlicker or a prison snitch.

Snitches get stitches.

But you already knew that.

[sources:EPC&town&country]