Tradition would have us believe that monogamy is the norm. You find someone, settle down, and then all other people are off-limits for the rest of your life.

Monogamy is the go-to for a lot of people, and that’s cool. If it’s your vibe, then congrats, you’ve found the thing that works for you.

For others, like Thomas Middleditch, who plays Richard Hendricks on HBO’s Silicon Valley, it wasn’t working.

As a result, he and his wife, Mollie Gates, decided to try something different.

The ‘swingers’ of Tokai will be able to relate, and those who frequent the Constantia La Parada on a Sunday, too.

Here’s The Daily Beast:

Thomas Middleditch, the actor who plays the socially challenged coding genius, is a bed-hopping swinger with a penchant for group sex and sleeping with his fans…

Middleditch made his surprisingly public declaration that he and his wife were swingers (although he hiply notes that “the term ‘swinging’ is old” and it’s called “being part of the lifestyle”) in an interview in the new issue of Playboy, which, so far, has received most attention for its photographic representations of Kylie Jenner’s butt.

(Yes, we covered Kylie’s butt earlier, if you must know.)

Back to Thomas and ‘being part of the lifestyle’, then. The correct term is ‘ethical non-monogamy’ or ‘couples play’. Both ‘swinging’ and ‘the lifestyle’ are quickly losing their appeal for those who engage in open ethically non-monogamous relationships.

Dan Savage has some insight into why more couples are opening up their relationships to other people:

An ethically non-monogamous relationship can take on many forms, depending on the needs of the couple and how they negotiate the limits and freedoms that work best for them. Some people choose to see outsiders separately, and others prefer to play as couples.

Back to Middleditch:

The actor, 37, who was nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series, married his wife four years ago after three years of dating, but, he told the magazine, shortly after the wedding bells had ceased ringing he decided that the one-woman plan to which he had signed up wasn’t going to cut it, telling her:  “Mollie, I’m sorry, but we have to get non-traditional here.”

Middleditch adds, “Instead of saying ‘Fuck you, I’m out,’ she was like, ‘Let’s figure this out.’”

One of the key criteria for ditching a fully monogamous lifestyle is good communication in the primary relationship.

“For anything sexual, whether in terms of the sex act or identity or kink, you want to know where the walls of the box are. Mollie and I have created our own rules and compared to most of the people we’ve met who do this kind of shit, our rules are strict. We’re not off on our own, we’re together, a unit. It’s a perpetual state of management and communication, to the point where it’s like, ‘All right, we’ve got to stop. Chill.’ I’m gas, and she’s brakes. This is actually the premise for a comedy series we’re writing together.”

There’s also a lot of negotiation, especially when couples play together.

While the rest of us might get into domestic arguments about whose turn it is to do the dishes, or what to watch on TV, the Middleditches have equally profound disagreements, although in their case it’s more likely to be about whether to invite his fans into the bedroom or not.

As for how he feels about his wife:

“I love my wife like I’ve never loved anyone before,” Middleditch explains. “With two people who feel that way about each other, how do you go down that road? It’s tough. Bring a therapist along for the ride.”

…“Anything that happens has to be run by the queen,” he says, adding, “My first concern is Mollie.”

Cool.

More power to them.

[source:dailybeast]