Please take a seat, because we are about to embark on a wild ride.

Last year, a voice note sent by South African golfer Jared Harvey went viral, and the terms ‘my Bok Boks’  and ‘special person’ were everywhere.

Somebody remixed it into a disturbingly catchy dance track (listen at your peril), OneDayOnly flogged t-shirts bearing the words, and later, the caddies at the Sun City Challenge Pro-Am got in on the action.

He was even interviewed about it by the Sunshine Tour, which is South Africa’s professional golf circuit, for their YouTube channel:

Then, just as quickly as every sarcastic romantic post on Facebook had the hashtags #BokBoks and #SpecialPerson, it disappeared.

Dramatic music – until now.

We have the pleasure of bringing you some of Harvey’s more recent voice notes, and we’re going to start with the golfer describing his post-shower routine.

We kid you not:

Jared, Chocolate Block is tasty, but you should also chuck a little Rupert Optima into the mix.

Whilst we’re happy to know that Jared is looking after his hair, skin and allergies, the voice note below is where things really get interesting.

We aren’t sure who Jared is battling with here, but he wants somebody to know that he is the best golfer in Durban.

Hands down, my boet, my bru, my china – THE BEST GOLFER IN DURBAN!

“You are lying to yourself, my boetie!”

OK, we have to crunch some numbers here.

Jared talks about having “won R4 million on the Sunshine Tour”. He’s being a little cheeky with the truth, because here are his stats, via the official Sunshine Tour website:

You’ll notice that his career prize money is R3,33 million. Bit of a stretch to call that R4 million, pal.

First of all, let’s do some pre-tax numbers…

Jared also turned pro in 2011, meaning he is eight years into his career. This means he averages R416 735 per year on the tour.

That’s R34 727 a month, which isn’t exactly rolling in the dough. To put that another way, Paco Rabanne retails for R550 on Takealot, meaning he could only afford to buy 63 a month.

Let’s talk post-tax…

Using the tax rate for the 2018 tax year as a general guide (from the SARS website), annual earnings between R305 851 and R423 300 are taxed at R63 853 + 31% of taxable income above R305 850.

That’s taxes of R63 853, and 31% on the extra R110 885, or R34 374, for a total of R98 227.

That would bring his average annual post-tax income down to R318 508, or a cool R26 542 a month.

I’m sure he has some deductibles to throw into the mix (sadly, Alpecin C1 Caffeine Shampoo doesn’t fall into that category), and these are the rough figures we are dealing with, but that’s not really living the high life.

If we look at his 2019 season, things are a little less rosy:

My boet, you have played seven tournaments, missed the cut in four of them, and cracked total winnings of R14 600?

Jared, if you want quality wine but can’t pay the R200 for the Rupert Optima, we recommend the Rupert Protea range. It’s still very tasty, but it may be more suited to your budget.

Perhaps Jared has some kind of cash game going on outside of the Sunshine Tour, where he is raking it in, but I’d be slightly less braggadocious if I had earned less than R15 000 during 2019 thus far.

So, Durban golfers, is Jared the best in the business?

Does anybody have any further info on the trials and tribulations of Mr Harvey?

Jared, perhaps you want to reach out and chat with us?

For all of the above, mail editor@2oceansvibe.com and let’s make some magic together.

Happy Friday, my Bok Boks. Tell your special person you love them.

Thanks, Dean

[source:sunshinetour]