Ladies and gents, I would like to submit this for consideration in the ‘worst movie premise of all time’ category.

Across America (I’m guessing the middle part of America, where there are none of those coastal liberal elite ‘cucks’), more than 1 200 cinemas are showing The Trump Prophecy, a movie that says the serial philanderer was sent by God to restore America’s moral values.

The movie centres on Mark Taylor, a former Orlando fireman who was forced to retire after suffering from PTSD.

Still with us? Yeah, this is America now. The Guardian reports:

Between graphic nightmares featuring demonic monsters and hellish flames, Taylor received a message from God in April 2011, while he was surfing television channels.

As he clicked to an interview with Trump, Taylor heard God say: “You are hearing the voice of the next president.”

And so it came to pass, although it took another five years and a national prayer campaign. Taylor duly wrote a book, The Trump Prophecies: The Astonishing True Story of the Man Who Saw Tomorrow … and What He Says Is Coming Next, on which the movie is based.

Why don’t you just include the entire book in the title, Mark? I guess now we just wait for Angus Buchan’s book, The Angus Prophecies: The Amazing Story of how I Prayed Away the Drought and Saved Cape Town from its Sinning Ways.

I can’t believe this is happening, but let’s go ahead and have a look at the official trailer:

I apologise, but we’re in this together.

Mark ‘The Tool’ Taylor also presents some other predictions, which he calls “prophetic words”:

…including that Trump will serve two terms, the landmark supreme court ruling on abortion in the Roe v Wade case will be overturned, and that next month’s midterm elections will result in a “red tsunami”, strengthening Republican control of both houses of Congress.

Barack Obama will be charged with treason and Trump will authorise the arrest of “thousands of corrupt officials, many of whom are part of a massive satanic paedophile ring”. Trump will also force the release of cures for cancer and Alzheimer’s that are currently being withheld by the pharmaceutical industry.

Shame, he really has been drinking the Kool-Aid.

According to reports, the in-cinema turnout hasn’t been all that flash, which means it’s probably only a matter of time until Sean Spicer is wheeled out of the pint-sized cupboard the Republicans keep him in to say it was the ‘biggest movie turnout ever – period’!

Those who did come to worship their false idol had a bonanza:

“God is definitely using Trump to restore America and bring revival to our land,” said cinemagoer Kathy Robinson. “He stands for the common man and protects our freedoms. And he’s a good man himself – not perfect, but none of us are.”

Doug Barringer was impressed with the movie. He was sceptical of Trump “right up until election night. But what I’ve seen him doing since has led me to believe that maybe he is an instrument of God.”

There was no doubt in Jayne Gillikan’s mind. “Trump is God’s will, there’s no other way to explain it. I prayed for him through the [2016 election] campaign. I know in my heart that God raised him up for this time in our country.”

The steaming pile of dung masquerading as a movie cost an estimated $2,6 million (R38 million) to make, and was a collaboration between ReelWorks Studios and the film school at Liberty University, an evangelical Christian institution.

Below, some of the fine young people of Liberty University:

I guess the movie’s producers channelled their inner Trump by using the cheapest labour possible.

Well, I’m spent. By the way, Trump supporters who are itching to have a go in the comments section below – we really don’t care, please go away.

[source:guardian]