It took some getting used to – actually eating sushi at home, rather than Willoughbys. Then it was the conundrum of where to buy it. It kind of made sense to get it at Woolies – I mean, that’s the only division of theirs that actually makes money, so there must be a reason for it.

That, and the fact that their sushi counter and setup at Constantia Village is relatively impressive. Yes, I did see they have moved it to the other side of the store, next to the butchery. I saw your mother there as well.

So anyway, I started getting into it and – look – I enjoyed it. Obviously it’s painful to deal with those pathetic little soya sauce sachets, and you never remember how much you have left at home so you end up buying a full bottle off the shelf (nowhere near the sushi counter). It’s also ever-so-slightly annoying that the ginger is shocking pink in colour – God forbid they found a supplier that had ginger the colour of actual ginger. Pesky details aside, it’s a very pleasant experience. Ian Moir must be proud. Of his sushi stand at Constantia Village.

But then the other afternoon at Pastis (surely time for an upgrade?), I was chatting to the lads about nothing in particular. You know, anything to distract us from the biggest question of all – the fact that no human on planet earth has any clue as to why we are here. That minor issue aside, the topic was ‘cool local tips’ and things to do in Constantia (when you’re not getting legally high at home at your own bar and Cannador).

I took a sip of my double G&T, as The Rugby Guy told me about the half-price sushi vibe going down at Pick n Pay.

I slammed my drink on the counter, using the sleeve of my tweed jacket to wipe droplets of spilled liquor across my moustache.

“Half price WHAT?”, I demanded.

“You heard me correctly,” The Rugby Guy assured, relishing his moment in the sun. He turned to The Insurance Broker and smiled, nodding.

He shot back a direct gaze – “EVERY Wednesday,” he added.

“Are you SURE,” I squinted, giving him a final chance to pull the chute.

He nodded, smugly.

Now The Rugby Guy is not silly – he knows I will follow through with something like that. Which I did, almost instantly adding it to my diary for the following Wednesday, which was completely clear, incidentally, except for the continued reading of The Bettencourt Affair (available as an audiobook at Audible app).

So the following Wednesday came around. It was with great irony that it was September 19, the first morning Cape Town could legally smoke marijuana at home. You can only imagine the scene at Constantia Village. Half-stoned retirees from Steenberg, wandering around aimlessly with the munchies; having ‘waked and baked’ and dragged themselves down the road, still in their pyjamas. Which I get – after all they only really have to get out of their dressing gown when they walk through the clubhouse, where sleepware is a big no-no and probably featured in the estate ‘by-laws’.

As I strolled through the centre, I could sense among my fellow shoppers a general gravitation towards Pick n Pay. I made it to the sushi section which is probably three times the size of the one at Woolies. The team inside the open kitchen looked pretty slick, and there was place to sit as well. I didn’t. Instead, I went to check out the freshly made sushi on the shelves, packaged in the same clear plastic boxes as Woolies. It was pretty much the same offering as Woolies, but with the prices clearly marked down 50%. Oh, and their ginger was the colour of actual ginger. Such a nice touch.

Everything seemed easy enough. But I was in for a bit of a surprise…

That got you interested.

I took a few pics of the sushi on the shelves to show people, and went past Woolies on the way out – to take pics of the same sushi dishes and compare the prices at home.

That’s when I noticed that the Pick n Pay prices were 50% less than the Woolies prices, which didn’t make sense. Pick n Pay would normally be more affordable than Woolies, so if the sushi was half price today then it should actually be priced at less than half of the Woolworths price.

I needed time to think and went home to eat the sushi. Honestly, you couldn’t tell the difference between that and the sushi from Woolies in a blind test. It was great. Which made me more suspicious of the pricing.

Siri Googled and called Pick n Pay in Constantia Village for me. A lady answered and I asked her to put me through with someone to discuss the sushi. She said that she could assist, and insisted that the price shown on the sushi was the full price and that would be further reduced by 50% at the till. It sounded impossible to me, but I hadn’t a leg to stand on. Quite understandably, in the haze of all the legal marijuana excitement, I hadn’t taken the Pick n Pay till slip and didn’t look to see how much I was being charged at the time.

Luck came my way later that day, and I jumped at the chance to go to the shops – again – to get something we needed from Pick n Pay for one of those little freaks we made. I could buy something small from the Pick n Pay sushi bar, then I could take a picture of the till slip and double-check everything.

The cheapest thing I could find was the four-piece Cucumber/Avo California roll, for R22,99 – a fair price to pay for an experiment. I went to the till, they scanned my sushi, I gave them some cash and they gave me my change, with the slip. I looked down at the slip in my hand. Nothing in all my years as a GQ model, private pilot and Harvard Business School Executive Education graduate would prepare me for what my eyes were witnessing.

R11,49.

I shit you not.

On my way to the car, still in the centre, I clocked Mark Sherrington coming towards me, correctly dressed in activewear. As he neared, I asked if he was aware of the Pick n Pay Wednesday half-price sushi special.

He carried on walking past me, towards Pick n Pay, and bellowed to the side, “get with the program, matey!”

Indeed.

Old Shezza, doesn’t miss a trick.

But do you know the secret easy-access parking spot at Constantia Village, that lets you skip all the traffic lights and traffic circle? For another time.

I went home and perused the photos I had taken earlier. Four salmon roses at Woolies were 80 bucks – the same price Pick n Pay were charging for four salmon roses AND four rainbow rolls. And that was the normal Pick n Pay price. Which means on Wednesday, it was R40.

Come now.

And have you seen their massive sushi platters? I’d drive from Camps Bay to get that for a Wednesday dinner party. Even with the petrol price hike factored in, you’d still come out ahead versus buying sushi from Woolies in town.

It’s a mug’s game, this sushi business. But one thing’s for sure, Pick n Pay is eating Woolworths’ lunch at Constantia Village. On Wednesdays, at the very least.

I wonder what Woolworths’ next move will be.