One thing anyone that lives in Constantia will agree on – besides the fact that they’re living in a Photoshopped version of reality – is that parking at Constantia Village is “an absolute nightmare.” It’s an easy conversation starter and usually followed up with a moan about the Southern Suburbs traffic in general.

“Paradise Motors? Please don’t get me started, doll!”

It’s no secret (actually it is) that I’ve moved from Camps Bay to Constantia. But that doesn’t mean I’ve changed (I have). One thing that has come about, though, is my constant analysis of the subtle differences between either side of the mountain. The City and Seaboard, versus ‘the ‘burbs’.

There’s no doubt things are more laid back in Constantinople. Nothing illustrates this better than takeaway coffee leisurely served to your car window at the 24-hour Engen / Woolies. Yes, we have one here too, but it’s missing that pace and energy – a welcomed relief after a couple morning meetings in town. Nobody bats an eyelid if someone strolls in, wearing a bathrobe and slippers. And by someone, I mean me. Hey, look, I use my GQ Best Dressed Man of The Year (2010) free pass when it counts.

Not that you won’t see something similar at the 24-hour Engen in Gardens. The only difference is the wearer won’t be a GQ Best Dressed Man, but rather a hipster at 2AM, tripping on MDMA in the Steers queue.

Speaking of which, things are so chilled here, fast food doesn’t even exist. The closest you get is Kauai in Constantia Village. That’s as fast as food gets here. There’s no KFC. No Macky D. No Steers. No Nandos.

But hey, who needs it if you’ve got Woolies sushi, right? Lol.

Constantia Village does drive a wedge into the chilled vibe, though. Parking can get the better of a lot of people, I’ve noticed – almost verging on road rage at times. The catch-and-kill approach to newly available parking spots can get quite hectic and the reason why I’m using the Vespa more and more to pop in at Constantia Village.

I must say, I’m quite surprised how few people have Vespas in Constantia. And the ‘burbs in general, mind you.

You’d think people that spend half their waking hours moaning about the traffic would be all over it. I see them looking at me as I park RIGHT next to the front door. They’re complete wrecks from the ordeal they’ve just endured to get to this very same front door. You can see their faces that they get the convenience, but they’re angry with me as well. They like what they see, but they don’t think it’s attainable. Like an ad for a holiday they can’t seem to make time for.

It looks magical to them, but their ‘good sense’ wonders what else would they do with a Vespa, besides coming to Constantia Village. Which, ironically, is ALL they do.

I think all the laidback living can convert into laziness and, unless they put a Vespa store in place of the old Melissa’s, these cats will just continue battling it out for parking every second day.

The clever ones will pop in at Vespa in Cape Town.

I hope they do – I’m feeling a little self-conscious all on my own.

At the front door.

Here’s my offer to the good people of the ‘burbs’ – let me help you, without the hassle of having to go through the ordeal of Hospital Bend. Mail me – editor@2oceansvibe.com, and I’ll land you a deal on a Vespa, delivered to your door.