If you are a fan of Love Island (yes, I’m judging), you might have also seen The Only Way Is Essex.

It doesn’t portray a very positive image of the people who call it home, but maybe we should cut them a little slack. Wait, hang on, it appears that the area is in fact home to complete imbeciles.

Take this Essex woman, for example, who called 999 (the UK’s emergency line) because she had been “mugged off” by the takeaway joint she ordered pizza from.

Here’s the recording of the call via the Telegraph:

My god, imagine if her pizza had arrived with pineapple on it? Public floggings in the street, methinks.

We’re OK with you eating your favourite pizza as you see fit, by the way – no pizza kink shaming here.

Sadly, for the emergency hotline 999, these kinds of calls are rather common:

The force said it receives around 400 hoax or inappropriate 999 calls each month, including one woman who complained that her Nando’s chicken was undercooked, and that the figure increases in summer.

In further released recordings, a man asks why the police helicopter is “hovering over my house and disturbing the peace” and a separate caller inquires about a “bull in the field” sign.

The man says he wants to know “who I can contact to find out if there really is a bull in the field or it’s just a farmer messing around”.

That chap seems one cow short of a herd.

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