The year is 2018, and news about unicorns has never come through stranger avenues.

Just the other day we were talking about farting unicorns and Elon Musk. It sounds farcical, but it’s actually another knock to Elon’s popularity in the wake of some odd social media rants.

If you happened to follow the trials and tribulations of our own Seth in France and Italy, you would have seen his story about the Riviera’s secret shame.

Swans and flamingos are out, and the unicorn reigns supreme.

Here’s the thing – if you’re a British coastguard, they’re actually a bloody nightmare. Details via the Telegraph:

…giant inflatable unicorns are proving less popular with coastguards after a woman was blown out to sea and had to be rescued from one of the world’s busiest shipping lanes.

She was one of 15 people rescued along the south coast by the Maritime and Coastguard Agency in just one evening after their inflatables veered off course. A pink flamingo and a swan were also involved.

God, being rescued whilst on a flamingo or a swan must be so embarrassing. So last season, darling.

For real, though:

HM Coastguard duty controller Piers Stanbury said: “We’ve had people rescued from a number of beaches along Hampshire and Sussex coastline. Each one of them had been using an inflatable. Thankfully, everyone so far has been rescued and is safe.”

“We can’t stress enough that these inflatables are not suitable for use in the sea. Tide conditions, the wind, any changes in the weather can just take them out beyond safe depths.

“Please, don’t use them. Don’t take them to the seaside. Inflatables should only be used in swimming pools, not at the coast where they can quickly go from being fun to being potentially deadly.”

This summer’s hottest new horror move – Inflatable Infatuation. They can air it straight after that Jason Statham shark one.

My favourite passage:

A team from Hayling Island Lifeboat Station, Hampshire, was called out to another unicorn, only to pass a flamingo on the way and then spot a person in the water who had drifted out to sea in a dinghy and was clinging to a buoy…

“Some of the inflatables were collected by our teams, some will have made their way over to France,” the agency said.

It’s a jungle out there.

Something to think about when you’re frolicking in the surf, desperate for likes.

[source:telegraph]