Yes, I do detect a smidgeon of elderberry, good sir, with a hint of pine needle thrown in.

No matter where you’re at on the sliding scale from wine newbie to wine snob, at some point someone is going to ask for your opinion on what you’re drinking.

Less is often more – or to put it another way, keep your lies simple, because the more you blabber on the more likely you are to get caught up in your own web of deceit.

You could always go with the tried and tested, great bang for your buck range, or you can get stuck trying too hard and end up like this poor lady.

Stick around until the end and you can see what you look like on the shuttle back from a day in the Winelands:

Taxi for one, please.

South Africans are looking at prime red wine drinking weather this week, so here’s a handy guide to what you should be sipping on, what it’s all about, and some keywords to throw around so that you avoid being that person who tries too hard.

To start, the Wolftrap Red:

A blend of Shiraz, with added Mourvedre and Viognier, give this wine a concentrated red colour with an edge of purple. The nose is delightfully fruity with aromas of black fruits and black and red berries. The palate is smooth with further fruitiness present, expressed as cherries and wild strawberries.

Nicely.

Then there’s the Porcupine Ridge Merlot:

This Merlot has ripe plum and red berry aromas on the nose. Smooth soft tannins with medium weight on the palate. A well balanced wine with integrated fruit and oak.

Tick.

If this is a treat yourself week, and you go double buffalo (R200), you can hit it out the park with The Chocolate Block:

The Chocolate Block from Boekenhoutskloof is one of South Africa’s icons that makes a sought-after gift or an addition to your wine cellar. It is an international favourite. This wine has a gorgeous nose that expresses abundant floral perfume supported by cedar, redcurrant, black pepper, coriander and suggestions of Turkish Delight.

Softened red fruit follow onto the palate which is multilayered and exhibits marzipan, mineral notes and a structure that’s silky. The wine is poised and textured.

Poised, just like you.

Layer up, crank the heater, drink away the bone-chilling cold.

Life could be worse.