Sorry to use the word ‘climax’ so early in the day, but if you thought the Clifton Pooper was scandalous then New Jersey has news for you.

We should just make sure that everyone is on board with the Clifton Pooper story – details here.

Now that was just a random jogger who ended up dropping the kids off on someone’s doorstep, but up in New Jersey the “Mystery Pooper” story has all the twists and turns of a Hollywood blockbuster.

42-year-old Thomas Tramaglini has been arrested in a sting operation by New Jersey investigators, after students at Holmdel High School in Monmouth County complained about constantly finding excrement on their fields.

Plenty of weirdos take shits on school fields, I hear you say, but Thomas is actually a school superintendent and top education official in the state.

This story made it all the way to the BBC, who have this to say:

…Holmdel Township Police Department said they opened an investigation after high school staff and sports coaches reported “they were finding human faeces, on or near the area of the High School track / football field on a daily basis”.

According to local media, the superintendent lives about three miles (4.8km) from the Holmdel High School in Monmouth County, 40 miles from New York City.

On Monday at 05:50 local time (09:50 GMT), officers approached the superintendent while he was running at the school track, the scene of the alleged crime.

Mr Tramaglini, who earns nearly $150,000 (£110,000) per year as head of the local education authority, was arrested.

Police officers said they had just observed him in the act.

The guy earns a whopping wage, but insists on dumping on a school field? I’m not into kink shaming, but that’s some weird business.

He has since been placed on paid leave (I know) whilst police conduct their investigation, and some have speculated that he might suffer from a condition that makes him unable to restrain his bowel movements.

Fair point, but the plot thickens. For those using the “runner’s trot” defence, which centres around “a sudden and not entirely controllable need to void mid-run”, there is a rebuttal.

Side note – use void when referring to making a crap if you want to sound fancy.

We go to NJ for their hot, steaming take:

Portable toilets have been located around the Holmdel High School athletic fields for as long as many people familiar with the space can remember.

“They’re always here,” said a man who was visiting with his wife as their children were practicing the long jump on the track Saturday.

The man, who declined to give his name, says his family’s visit to the athletic complex aren’t that frequent, but he remembers one thing — the outdoor toilets have always been there…

The red synthetic Holmdel running track is about 80 steps from a bank of three portable toilets — one which is handicapped accessible and two regular size units.

Well, well, well – looks like that defence has been flushed away.

Perhaps my favourite quote of all:

“The fact that it’s repeated means that it’s intentional,” clinical psychologist Edward Hollenbach told NJ.com on Friday. “The person is weaponizing the emotion of disgust and using it to upset people.”

Tramaglini faces three municipal charges of public defecation, lewdness and dumping of litter. His initial court date, scheduled for May 8, has been pushed to May 30.

I wrote all of this without using one of Tramaglini’s most popular nicknames – ‘the Poopetrator’.

By the way, if you find this drama compelling you should definitely check out American Vandal.

[sources:bbc&nj]