It’s a relatively small team here at 2OV, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have the occasional fridge office drama.

We arrived today to find the fridge had been unplugged over the long weekend, meaning that the floor was soaked with water.

High drama, and a classic case of ‘whodunnit’, but that’s nothing compared to the stolen lunch saga that played out on Twitter late last week.

The story comes via Zak Toscani, who is a comedian, which has led many to question its authenticity, but for the sake of a good time we’ll assume this is above board.

Here’s the tweet that started it all, which had a whopping 175 643 retweets at the time of writing:

I’m not going to screenshot the entire thread, but here’s how this one played out:

The lunch in question was shrimp fried rice which means this escalates from a misdemeanor [sic] to felony no doubt

Case facts: Lunch was in fridge for less than an hour before it vanished. No shrimp smell remnants in the microwave or kitchen area. This was a professional hit no doubt

HOLY SHIT. He’s back. He watched the tape. He knows who did it.

 So the man who’s lunch was stolen sits across from me. The person who stole his lunch sits RIGHT NEXT TO ME! She left for the day before the investigation started

According to the video, this psychopath DIDNT EVEN EAT THE FOOD. She took it out of the fridge and threw and buried it in the trash

Her motives remain completely unknown. In lieu of what he saw on the tape he has decided to not to press the matter anymore. I can’t say I blame him. We don’t know what this women’s fully capable of

Points to clarify: he bought the shrimp fried rice around 11:30am (carry out) and put it in the fridge to chill until he takes lunch at noon. So she had exactly a 30min window of time to do what she did. There was no intention of microwaving the food

Update: Ok so when dude watched the video with HR they asked “what do you want to do about it?” he told them he was solely interested in who did it and that he didn’t want to be responsible for someone getting fired

After charges were dropped, HR sent a company wide email about not stealing people’s lunches. She is scheduled to arrive at work in 20min. My blood is on cocaine

She has walked into the room. And the room is dead silent. Dead fucking silent yet there is a palpable explosive energy pulsing through everyone but her

From the moment she walked in, I’ve just been staring at her. Watched her open her email and now she clicked on the goddamn HR email! Holy fuck strap in – here we go!

I can’t move. I simply cannot move, anything could happen right now

!!!! After seeing the HR email she says out loud “woah. Someone stole a lunch? Who would do something like that?” !!! I may have to run out of this room

After she said that, shrimp guy responds “well yea it’s not ok to throw someone’s food away” we’re all about to start screaming

This shits about to get crazier. After he says that she goes “oh it was your lunch?” BEAT she continues “well why would you go to HR about that?!”

She has simultaneously denied her involvement AND called the guy who saved her job a snitch!!!!!!!!!

Dude just sighed and went back to work after she said what she said. She looks frightwningly calm

I’ll keep updating if anything else occurs but all I can say is that EVERYONE in the office from the janitor to the founder knows what she did. She now carries an invisible scarlet letter

This is real. This is happening. We know who did it but we don’t know why. It’s a post production company so we’re in fact open today. She’s been sitting 3ft from me this whole time

Unbeknownst to the guy and the woman, I just ordered 3 shrimp fried rice plates for lunch and will be hand delivering them

She took the fried rice from me with a big smile on her face. She’s eating it and loving it. This is utter ruthlessness

“I LOVE shrimp fried rice” – the thief

I wish I could close this up with a neat little bow, but, it appears that we may never know why she did it. Maybe she doesn’t know she did it. Either way I’m now forced to work 40hrs a week next to a cold blooded individual

Monday Morning Update: I was the first one into the office. She was the second. Just her and I, sitting 3ft away from each other in an empty room for over an hour. Every breath felt borrowed.

She has not seen any of this. OR she is thoroughly and convincingly pretending not that have seen it. Either way I’m still alive. Thank you for reading.

Everyone is alive, but there is a good chance this lunch thief could strike again at any moment.

For a sense of perspective, this story was covered on the BBC, the Daily Mail and VICE, amongst many others.

The last of those sources, VICE, sums it up as follows:

…the viral story affirms the values that so many office workers hold dear, and codifies them: The office fridge thief is the lowest of the low. It’s wrong to wish someone else be fired for a petty offense [sic]. And informal, community-driven punishment can be more effective than judgments handed down from on high.

Going to be some super awkward vibes in that office this week, because the story has surely reached the thief in question at this point.

I guess the moral of the story here is that someone is always watching, and also don’t steal (or toss away) your co-workers’ lunches.