#SandpaperGate may have trended on Twitter, but if you listened to Steve Smith and Cameron Bancroft you’d have known it was actually yellow tape.

Yeah, about that…

Cricket Australia announced earlier today that Steve Smith and David Warner would both serve 12-month bans, with Cameron Bancroft serving a nine-month ban for following orders.

I think those bans are fair, but don’t get me started on how coach Darren Lehmann managed to hang on to his job. I smell a rat.

The sport’s governing body in Australia laid out the full charges against each of the cricketers, but this one is of particular interest to me.

Via BBC Sport:

In their statement issuing the bans, Cricket Australia said it was sandpaper that was used by Bancroft to damage the ball during their third Test with South Africa.

It found Smith and Bancroft had made “misleading public comments” when on Saturday they instead claimed it had been yellow tape.

So even when ‘coming clean’ about their cheating at the close of play (and only doing so because they knew the cameras had nailed them), Smith and Bancroft both lied about how they had cheated.

Perhaps we should have taken the word of Beuran Hendricks, Proteas left-arm seamer and craftsman:

Seems handy that they would just happen to have some sandpaper lying around the changeroom, right? And how about those claims that this is the first time they have done such a thing, thought up in the heat of the moment?

Spin us another one, lads.

It’s now emerged, via the Sydney Morning Herald, that Warner had plotted the cheating in advance:

The governing body’s investigation established that Warner had not only told Bancroft to take the sandpaper onto the ground, but had gone as far as giving Bancroft a tutorial on how to tamper with the ball.

Warner was found to have been behind the “development” of the plan and was alleged to have given “instruction to a junior player to carry out a plan to take steps to attempt to artificially alter the condition of the ball using sandpaper”.

Further, and most damningly, it was concluded that he provided “advice to a junior player regarding how a ball could be artificially altered including demonstrating how it could be done.”

If you’re so inclined, you might want to tell cricket journalist Peter Miller that he got this one wrong, and he should hop off his high horse:

By now all three players are on the plane home, and there’s no doubting that they will receive a torrid reception when they touch down.

Here’s the footage of Steve Smith leaving OR Tambo Airport on his way home – feeding frenzy:

Warner has emerged as the main culprit, having “gone rogue” over the past few days, and it’s not only his reputation taking a beating.

Both he and Steve Smith have had their 2018 IPL contracts torn up, and each of those was worth a cool AU$2,4 million (R21,5 million).

Then there’s the year-long ban, which should see Warner lose out on the full amount of his contract with Cricket Australia, which is a cool AU$1,4m (R12,5 million) per year.

We’re sitting on R34 million damage already, Dave, and those 12 months will also see him miss out on an estimated AU$400 000 (R3,5 million) in match fees.

R37,5 million, and you would have to think that he will struggle to land an IPL deal for some time to come, although we won’t factor that in.

Next up is LG, the electronics company, who have also yanked his personal sponsorship. Below from the Guardian:

“In light of recent events, we have decided not to renew our partnership,” a spokeswoman said.

“LG Australia will always look to work with ambassadors that share our core brand values and we take these relationships incredibly seriously to ensure we put our customers, employees and stakeholders first.”

We don’t know what the value of that deal was, but it would have cost them a fair whack. Warner’s personal website (you can enjoy that here) also states that “he is a brand ambassador of Gray-Nicolls, Asics, Channel Nine, Toyota and the Make-a-Wish Foundation”, and I have no doubt that a few of those brands will jump ship as public pressure grows.

The Australian lay bare just how hard this is going to hurt his bottom line:

He was set to become Australian cricket’s first $6 million-a-year man, on the back of a queue of companies wanting to endorse him, a lucrative new salary package and a $2,4 million Indian Premier League contract.

But the Midas touch that has built David Warner a personal fortune, including a $10 million property portfolio, appears to have deserted him.

In a rare interview about his personal finances just over two years ago, Warner confided: “My financial adviser told me: ‘If you have to work after cricket, I haven’t done my job properly’.”

…Warner’s dream of making tens of millions in coming years are evaporating with every passing hour in the wake of the Cape Town ball-tampering scandal on the weekend.

Can someone please produce the world’s smallest violin, so we can play something lamenting his misfortune?

I’ve saved the best for last – Warner is involved with a series of children’s books, friends:

The scandal could also dent the popularity of Warner’s highly successful kids’ book series, the Kaboom Kid (for which he receives a royalty on every book sold), and the Kaboom brand, which he has trademarked for toys, clothing, sporting goods and food products, such as energy bars and protein shakes. The books are based on Warner’s childhood adventures.

The timing may be entirely coincidental, but some editions of the Kaboom Kid were on sale yesterday — listed as “clearance” items at the ABC Shop, with 50 per cent discounts on offer.

What’s worse, his books going on clearance or Steve Smith’s autobiography being moved to the ‘True Crime’ section of an Ozzie book shop?

Trick question – they’re both glorious.

I know I shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as I am, because revelling in other people’s misfortunes is not a good look, but this fall from grace has been a long time coming.

There are teams that play within the laws, and there are teams that honour the spirit of the game.

This current Australian outfit is neither of those.

[sources:bbcsport&smh&guardian&australian]