This year’s delivery takes place at Cabine du Cap, as we escape the masses descending upon Cape Town. A better setting to reflect on 2oceansvibe’s 15th year, one couldn’t hope for.

From over half a million unique readers some months, to an annual 12+ million page views and a core faithful audience of one million unique returning readers, it’s our biggest yet – and that’s before you include the radio.

Now whilst it is customary at such moments to thank one’s team for these various achievements, let’s face it, none of us would even be standing here if it wasn’t for Donald Trump.

Oh my God – was 2017 even real?

That list of @emmaturd’s that went viral was very good, but I think it could have included ‘Cape Town Traffic’ as one of the ‘Things people need to tell you about’. Reports of ever-increasing traffic at off-peak times have become something of a sport in Cape Town.

“I saw back-to-back traffic from hospital bend into town at 11:30AM on a Thursday!” they’ll lament.

Yawn. God, we are boring.

For me, 2017 was the year of the WhatsApp skinner group. Receiving and passing on Instagram and Facebook screenshots of social media faux pas has surpassed my need to actually access these platforms myself. Hand-picked, curated content, delivered to me by people who share a mutual disdain for other people – surely this is where we want AI to get to? But it must be hard to train a machine to understand what toilet looks like.

Sometimes I access Facebook to place an ad, and get so excited to see what drivel has been written in the top post on my ‘feed’ (it’s all I get to see as I simply cannot scroll). It’s almost always horrendous. I ask my team if this is normal on Facebook and they assure me it is in fact quite tame. Which leads me back to my point.

It’s impossible that so many people would behave in such a deplorably embarrassing manner, and one can only deduce that their accounts are being run by AI robots. There is no other logical explanation as to why so many people would release such unsightly verbal discharge.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Elon Musk visits South Africa soon to investigate. Who knows, the robot handling Tracy McHenry from Harfield Village’s profile could be running next year’s new Tesla model.

This really is an incredible time to be alive. I don’t want to sound old or anything, but… ‘ell, things do seem to be moving at one helluva pace, hey? You can see in the road rage. I mean, forget Bitcoin, when is the road rage bubble going to burst? Everyone has been holding it together for too long now. Bar a couple of physical beatings, nothing has gone too pear shaped. I reckon 2018 is the year things go nuclear.

Everyone is going to snap at the same time and there will be mass brawls. It will start at those Kloof Nek traffic lights – next to Power And The Glory. Going up – the one-way. Someone is going to jump that queue – they’re going to get blocked off and everyone is going to get out of their cars and go postal on that person. But then everyone is going to turn on each other when it is revealed that everyone has done it themselves (jumped the Kloof Nek queue) at one time or another. From there it will spread – globally.

That is the exact moment that self-driving cars will enter the mainstream and human-driven cars will be outlawed (which should have happened a very long time ago, if you ask me). Road rage will end immediately because nobody will be able to be in a rush because all cars will be driving at the same speed. Like in Australia.

Powered by Tracy McHenry’s robot.

2018 will also deliver Harry and Meghan’s wedding. On May 19. The same day as the FA Cup Final. As President of the Football Association, will Wills also attend the FA Cup Final? Decisions, decisions! On that note, I must just say how relieved I am that Meghan will be both baptised and confirmed before the wedding day. She must be rid of sin before she embarks on this next chapter.

So listen, look after yourselves this ‘silly season’ (vomit) and we cannot wait for another killer year with you, as we continue to deliver the perfect mix of content for you to stay abreast of the stuff that matters.

Powered by Seth Rotherham’s robot.

I leave you with this – a vintage TJ Miller sketch. Brilliant all the way through, but if you’re in a rush go straight to the two-minute mark for the big hit.

See you all again on January 8.

Cheers,