If you’re a fan of quality humour (that rules out all The Big Bang Theory fans, please exit now), the Edinburgh Fringe Festival is the place to be.
Some of the world’s best comedians converge on Scotland to deliver the goods, and so far this year’s edition has been another cracker.
A little homework before you read on – HERE are the top jokes from 2015 and HERE are the top jokes from 2016.
Right, on to the best from 2017 thus far, because the festival hasn’t quite wrapped up just yet.
The Telegraph have picked 36 candidates, and we’ve narrowed that down to 10:
- If I had a nickname for my penis it would be “the avocado” – because I struggle to achieve the desired hardness… and it’s caused a lot of social problems across Central and South America. [avocado jokes are all the rage right now]
- A lot of older people wonder if there will be life after death. There is, of course, it just won’t involve them.
- The key to a happy marriage is in a bowl with a bunch of other keys.
- I’d like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the “brella” but he hesitated.
- It’s sad that we’ll never know how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark.
- Some people hear my voice and just assume I’m thick. I told a guy my name over the phone today and I swear to God he asked me if I could spell it.
- I’ve been learning how to guess the weight of dogs – picked up a few pointers yesterday.
- I was struggling to make friends, so I bought a book called How to Make People Like You. Turns out it was all about cloning.
- Relationships age like mobile phones. You’ll look at your iPhone 5 and think, “It used to be a lot quicker to turn this thing on.”
- As I get older I’ve learnt to promote what is good about myself. All the bad stuff, the bigotry, intolerance and prejudice, swept under carpet. Not too far, I’ll need you in my 60s.
There’s still plenty of time to go, so expect a few of those above to be knocked from their perch.
Happy Friday, julle.
[source:telegraph]
