Look, I’m also getting a little over all the handshake nonsense.

You knew the hand-wringing between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin was going to attract attention, but it’s actually rather alarming just how much detail many news organisations went into.

We’ll play ball and sum up the encounter using the Guardian’s blow-by-blow analysis, starting with their first handshake:

Their first encounter had been a brush-by in the VIP lounge of the G20 conference centre in Hamburg during the morning…The US president had thrust out a clammy right paw, grabbed hold of his arm with his left hand and then pumped it enthusiastically for rather longer than was comfortable. The man clearly has no sense of personal space…

Vlad flashed a half-hearted smile, keen not to look outmanoeuvred by such third-rate power games. The Donald might be a great deal taller than him, but he is also badly out of shape. A physical wreck.

This is that moment:

That was really just the appetiser, though, because when they met for their bilateral meeting in the afternoon all eyes were on their paws.

Listen to the cameras clicking away at the pivotal moment:

Basically a feeding frenzy.

Right, to Ashwin and Breyton at the video screen for the analysis. Jokes, I wouldn’t put you through that:

Their body language could hardly have been worse. The Donald was perched on the edge of his chair, trying to appear in control though just looking a bit needy. Vlad sat back in his, determined to make little or no eye contact. He wanted to make the American president sweat and he was succeeding. There was no doubt who was the boss now.

The Donald is uncomfortable with lengthy silences and started filling the void with words. Any words. “We’ve had some very … uh … very good talks,” he began. “We’re going to have a talk now and obviously that will continue.” Putin looked down, trying not to smirk…

Sensing he might already be out of his depth, Trump remembered the first rule of diplomacy his advisers had told him just that morning. If things feel tricky, do another handshake. You can’t go wrong with a handshake. The American president stuck out a hand, which Putin accepted. This time the Donald kept his other hand by his side. Round one to Putin…

As he finished, the Donald went for a second handshake. Vlad made sure this was even more perfunctory than the previous one. Round two to Putin.

The opening speeches concluded, a few reporters started shouting out: “Will you be talking about how Russia tried to rig the US election?” before they were bundled out the room. Putin shrugged. Somehow he doubted it. The US president might be all mouth in slagging off the Russians behind their backs, but Vlad was confident he was no trousers face to face.

We’ll never know what went on inside of the room where they held their bilateral meeting, but I imagine Putin pulled the strings and made Donny D dance for him.

To Twitter for Trump’s take on what went down:

Then later:

Followed by:

Imagine holding the title of ‘leader of the free world’, whilst also being so insecure that you want your back patted after every big boy decision you make?

[source:guardian]