It’s the royal-but-not-really-royal wedding that everyone was talking about over the weekend, Saturday’s union between Pippa Middleton and James Matthews grabbing headlines around the world.

We showed you some of the best photos from the day HERE, but the real talking point today is the best man speech by a chap called Justin Johannesson.

Note to anyone preparing for a speech at a wedding – know your audience.

The Telegraph with where he missed the mark:

[He] is said to have made crude punchlines about sex and made a lewd gag about the couple’s honeymoon at the evening reception on Saturday…

…after a tribute to the groom himself, the tone apparently went downhill quickly with a series of references to buttock clenching, lads’ weekends and gay bars.

One involved Mr Matthews’ spaniel, Rafa…

Mr Johannsen apparently said: “Now to the love of James’ life: beautiful, energetic, loyal, soft-mouthed, comes on command, great behind. But that is enough about Jame’s spaniel, Rafa, I’m here to talk about James’ love, Pippa.”

‘Comes on command’ and a ‘great behind’ – probably want to tone that down a notch there, champ.

At least he did squeeze in some generally nice platitudes following that joke, which is said to have been been met with an awkward silence:

[Johannsen said] “James said, they met in Scotland in 2009 and a friendship blossomed.

They have a deep and instinctive love for each other.

I think I can say for everyone, that you look stunning. The image of perfection. I know that James first fell in love with your gutsiness and your spirit and then succumbed to your beauty. You make James extremely happy.

You have a voir la joie that warms the hearts of everyone who knows you and you have won the heart of the best man that I know.”

So who is Justin Johannesson – another Telegraph piece with all those details:

The sports mad 41-year-old has been friends with Mr Matthews for ten years, both sharing a passion for high adrenaline, extreme pursuits such as ultra marathons…

The family home is an imposing £4.2m townhouse in Kensington, West London. His sister Samantha, 37, a model and actress, is listed there alongside their mother, Olivia Johannesson, 70, and father, Icelandic former pilot Bjarni Johannesson. His parents married in Chelsea in 1974…

Mr Johannesson was listed as the director of a company called Transport and Technology Services Ltd, now dissolved. It is unclear what he does now but reports suggest he may have taken on a family business.

Sounds like he has it rough.

The bar might have been set pretty low but do better, best men.

[sources:telegraph&telegraph]