There’s a knowing nod I often share with fellow FT Weekend readers. An understanding that we have mutually found and enjoy the greatest broadsheet weekend read in the world.

And if you think it’s all about finance, you’re horrifically mistaken.

Finance only really comes up in the main section – briefly towards the end, I think. Published in the UK, the main section will cover anything from Trump and Zuma (Pravin Gordhan was on the cover last week) to Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg.

It’s not often I last that long, mind, before I’m aligning the regular additional sections across my study coffee and weed table. I put the House & Home section to one side, and the Life & Arts section to the other. Every second or third issue is accompanied with the finest glossy magazine your pathetic eyes will ever witness.

The obnoxiously large magazine showcases things you want and can’t afford, in what is appropriately entitled ‘How To Spend It.’ The ads alone will make you weep, but it’s a good weep. This is the league you’re playing in when you read the FT Weekend. You’re raising your game. It’s an aspirational play and will do you the world of good.

Because one day it won’t be aspirational, and at least by then you’ll know your Riva from your Feadship.

I’m almost too scared to climb in, knowing it will be over sooner when I do. I play with it first, like a cat might with an injured mouse. I delay the process – opening up my maple-wood humidor, lighting a Monty and simply gazing and admiring the peach-pink coloured pages before me.

I usually cave in after 10 minutes and dive into the Life & Arts section, pleased that the first ad is for Breitling – my timepiece of choice. In only one page’s time, I will be presented with my favourite column – ‘Lunch with the FT’ – an interview with someone interesting (anyone from Bill Gates to The Fat Jewish), conducted over lunch.

It’s a one-on-one interview, but the writer mentions the food that each person eats throughout the interview. It even includes the restaurant name, who picked it, why and how much each item cost.

The level of journalism and original content in the FT Weekend is in a league of its own, covering topics and opinions that will inspire and educate you. I usually stumble upon pieces that remind me of people I know. I tear the page out, circle the piece I found and have it delivered the next day to that person, with a note written on one of my ‘From the desk of Seth Rotherham’ cards.

On that note, there is a fascinating piece in the latest FT Weekend – from last weekend –  all about how restaurants are making their space and food more ‘Instagrammable’. Think about that for a second. Not about the notion, but about the topic choice! Does it get more current and interesting?

It’s articles like that I tear out and send straight to Luke Dale-Roberts. I very much doubt he gets the FT Weekend, as his time is very limited. Furthermore, I doubt he would even know how or where to subscribe. We’ll get back to that.

And don’t even get me started on the House & Home section. This week they reported on their investigation into billionaires’ apocalypse bunkers across the world. I mean really! Given the choice between that and another front page story about the Gupta soap opera…

I think you get my point.

And then, my friends, the greatest aspirational piece of weekend reading material that you can possibly imagine – the FT Weekend property section. Holy hell. This is, quite literally, the place where billionaires go to look for property.

Like this (quite cheap, in ‘real’ terms) EUR15.5 million pad in St. Tropez. At R220 million it makes a house on Nettleton road seems like a nice idea – for a university digs. And I just found that ad now without even looking – very often they have islands and the likes for US$50m+. I’ll find those during my next extended visit to the latrine, where I keep at least eight previous issues stacked next to the throne. My wife doesn’t mind it, because it looks amazing, just sitting there.

Look, I’m not being paid by these guys (honestly), so you really should take this from whence it comes. You simply CANNOT afford not to subscribe to the FT Weekend. You are becoming so stagnant. So mundane. This is the very least you can do to raise your game. And we are making it easy for you.

I personally contacted Times Media who handle the distribution of the FT Weekend in South Africa. Notice how I didn’t say I ‘reached out’ to them? That’s because I didn’t want you to hit me in the face. Because everyone knows that you’re allowed to hit people directly in the face if they use the phrase ‘reach out.’

Sorry, I digress.

You need to move on this, because they gave me this special offer just for 2OV readers back in the first week of March. The offer lasts a mere three months, but I was at Harvard Business School at the time, so I dropped the ball. That said, you and your boring mates have only two months to spread this offer around and make sure everyone gets signed up.

To be honest – I reckon they will extend the deal if you ask nicely. 

Here it is.

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SPECIAL OFFER

• 12 Month Subscription
  R2548,00
  52 copies @ R49,00 (30% discount off subscription cover price of R70,00)
• 6 Month subscription
  R1274,00
  26 copies @ R49,00 (30% discount off subscription cover price of R70,00)

Please don’t be a fool and take the 6 month offer – it’s so silly. We do these things annually.

I think the guys at Times Media thought I would do a special form for you to fill out, but it’s late on a Tuesday and I have some international cane furniture containers to send out (thanks Berry & Donaldson).

So this is what you need to do to get this special discounted offer:

Email Bradlee Louw (sorry Brad) at louwb@timesmedia.co.za, with the subject “Hook me up with 2oceansvibe’s FT Weekend special”, and he will do the rest.

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