There are many political commentators, some of them even described as ‘experts’, who regularly unpack the mess that is South African politics.

Few manage to make that mess as entertaining as Tom Eaton though, who penned a piece for the Rand Daily Mail that is equal parts frightening and funny.

Eaton was part of the team that skewered South African news and politics on the now-defunct Hayibo.com, the satirical website that proved very popular here at home.

Back to matters at hand – titled ‘A seven point plan for surviving South Africa’s political wars’, Tom tries to outline the various ways in which we can keep calm whilst all around us implodes.

Take a few deep breaths, go to your happy place, and read some of what he had to say below:

1. Things are moving.

The 24-hour news cycle and a lack of historical perspective have made us dangerously impatient with the pace of the democratic process. To the Twitter generation a week is an age. It feels as if the current cabal has been in power forever. But it hasn‘t, and whatever is happening is happening fairly fast.

2. We don‘t have a government, we have looters

Once you understand this, most headlines will make a lot more sense and your gloom will feel slightly more focused.

That point is given a thorough examination on Tom’s blog (HERE), but we’ll keep moving.

3. Hyperbole is a national sport.

When you hear that a certain neighbourhood or campus has “turned into a war zone” because armed police are present and there are some bricks in the road, take a look at a picture of Aleppo. South Africa is a violent, angry country, but we‘re not at war and it helps nobody to believe that we are.

4. The bar has been lowered so far that ground zero feels like progress.

In our country it is now considered an act of almost Scandinavian good governance for a mayor to drive to work in a car worth less than R1-million. This is not a rational response and we need to be wary of it. Eventually the ANC is going to charge someone with corruption or appoint a qualified person into a senior job, and, because our expectations have been lowered so execrably far, it will seem that accountability Nirvana has arrived. Don‘t fall for it.

5. The EFF has told us what it is: we should try to believe it

The Fighters want a nationwide shutdown in support of the students and to remove Jacob Zuma. This makes perfect sense, because, as any surgeon will tell you, the best way to save a patient on the operating table is to switch off the machines and to walk out.

6. Experts create clarity

…don‘t automatically believe anyone who makes a living from expressing an opinion, and that includes me. Also don‘t assume an academic title means anything.

7. The looters want us to call each other names.

The more cross-eyed we get calling each other “stupid” or fighting small battles of ego and identity, the less clearly we can see the gangsters for what they are and the more cash they can stuff into their pockets.

Of course there’s the other approach so many seem willing to take, which is to avoid all interaction with the news other than posting angry rants on Facebook – and here we were thinking ignorance was bliss.

Good luck out there guys and girls, just remember those deep breaths.

And please, for the love of all that is sacred in the world, please stop copying and pasting that status about Facebook privacy and your pictures being shared.

It’s embarrassing. Stop it. Now.

[source:randdailymail]