Have you ever fancied shacking up with JZ and his entourage for the evening, seeing first-hand what R246 million of taxpayers’ money can buy you these days?

Good news then, because apparently you can rent a unit for a steal at R10 000 per night. OK not really, cool your jets, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still enjoy this cheeky banter.

Check out the Nkandla review on local travel site SafariNow, who have labelled it the ultimate getaway.

Nestled between the picturesque towns of Kwanskop and Eshowe in rural KwaZulu-Natal, close to the rolling hills of Magengela and just two hours from the tranquil lagoon resort of Richards Bay, this simple homestead – recently renovated to the tune of R250 million – offers everything the discerning family demands in luxurious holiday extravagance.

Enclosed by a state-of-the-art security fence and featuring upgraded facilities such as video monitoring and armed patrols, the sprawling 9ha property is designed for unsurpassed privacy. With a fully staffed access control room and visitors’ lounge, you can check in, secure in the knowledge that you’re leaving all troubles, stresses and work pressures behind.

The original homestead has more than doubled in size since 2009 with the addition of six double-story thatched rondawels, two double-story guesthouses, underground bunkers, staff quarters and a small army of highly trained security specialists who double up as child minders during the day. Because above all else, this is a family home. An extended family home. And there are plenty of activities and amenities to ensure that you and your many, many family members are pampered and spoiled 24/7.

With parking for 40, expansive entertainment areas and enough room for a swing band you can entertain in the most lavish manner – a full staff complement is at your disposal day and night to see to your every need. The local airport is just a short hop, skip and helicopter ride away and hourly shuttles mean that guests can be flown in at a moment’s notice. For those travelling by motor cavalcade, new highways have been laid in order to make your journey fast, smooth and pothole-free.

The quaint main double-story thatched homestead features four bedrooms, presidential suite, his and hers bathrooms with imported shower heads, walk in closets, luxury appointed lounge, study and dining areas, restaurant styled kitchen with 24-hour five star chef and, a recent addition, a dedicated food taster. Yum.

This is luxury on an unsurpassed level. Designed by the world’s most expensive architect and tastefully appointed by the five women of the house, this is a place where royalty feels right at home.

Financial footnote: loans and EFTs can be arranged, but you must inform us when you intend to pay back the money.

I think whoever wrote this deserves a drink on all of us. Then again, considering that JZ is still our president, perhaps we all deserve a stiff drink.

For more Nkandla-based hilarity check out THIS poem.

Thanks Sean

[source:safarinow]