Remember last week when we took a gander at what R60 million (or thereabouts) might get you in some of Cape Town’s more sought after locations? That is child’s play good people, we’re going to blow that shizz out the water and take a look at South Africa’s most expensive property.

Folks in Camps Bay may well be familiar with Geneva Drive, the mansion that makes one think back to those rocking parties Gatsby threw all too often. Here’s how Sotheby’s describes the property:

Consisting of 3,133sqm (33723sqft) under roof with a lot size of 1,751sqm (18847sqft), it is a neoclassical masterpiece of design.

Built with a no-expense-spared check book and comprising of majestic, triple-volumed reception rooms which can accommodate 1000 guests, the property features wrought iron archways and Juliette balconies throughout. Uninterrupted sea views with a mountain backdrop. The architecture is both palatial and opulent.

Superb flow of reception rooms and bedrooms. A 14-car garage of parquet flooring, pressed ceilings and chandeliers. State of the art security system and 18-seater movie theatre fit for royalty. Olympic lap pool ensconced by pool deck with Corinthian colonnades in abundance.

The mansion, just by the way, has eight bedrooms and 13 full bathrooms and is on the market for $35 million (R446 million, probably R450 million by the end of today). Let’s see what a simply ludicrous amount of cash will get you then…

Well that all looks positively splendid but can I entertain my racquetball friends and enjoy a steam room sesh after?

Of course you can, when you’re forking out close to half a billion rand you’ll find most boxes are ticked.

If you’re playing around in this market I demand you tell me all your secrets. Teach me oh wise one, I will do unspeakable things to live in such a house.

[source:sotheby’s]