The Expendables is a concept that just won’t die. As long as action heroes continue to lose their box office mojo and Stallone is able to wear a beret, we’ll have The Expendables: even if they eventually turn him into a digital mission control entity. We’re indebted to Rambo, Commando and all the muscle man action heroes from the ’80s and by denying them, we’re essentially crushing our childhood.

While, ironically, The Expendables series is regarded as a step up from Step Up… both have a pretty similar formula. Instead of dance sequences, it’s action… making real acting and story, not as important as just showing up. The heroes are coasting on their collective careers instead of trying to inject any real life into their thinly scripted characters and it’s mostly about blowing stuff up, lacing camaraderie around Jason Statham smirking and some cheesy one-liners.

It’s fun to see the Old Guard give one last charge with a wink-wink here and a wink-wink there, here a wink, there a wink, everywhere a wink-wink. We’re compelled by the fact that we’re not watching zombies, but living and breathing hard men approaching the age of 70. The first one seemed like a desperate money grab, but whichever way you look at it, it’s still appealing to think of all these former glory guys banding together.

The Expendables 2 was the best of the lot. They learned some lessons from the first one, toning down the violence, polishing the comedy, developing the story into a Seven Samurai stand-off and adding some extra muscle in Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris. Unfortunately, The Expendables 3 is a step back for the series. This, despite adding the likes of Harrison Ford, Wesley Snipes, Antonio Banderas, Kellan Lutz, Mel Gibson and even Kelsey Grammer to the bill!

“God help me if there’s another ‘Kick Me’ sign on my back…”

The new movie from Stallone has the muscle and some exhilarating action sequences, but fails to capture our imagination, derailing the present company, building on two-dimensional characters and lacking the tongue-in-cheek spirit of the first two. The Expendables 3 is a story of two book-ends. While it starts with aplomb and ends with a bang, everything in-between seems dull, laboured and no-fun.

Beyond being a former glory money-spinner, The Expendables 3 seems like a sell-out as Barney Ross (Stallone) sets out to recruit a new task force to lay siege to an old rival after a botched mission. We’re there to see the faithful die-hards ribbing each other about getting old, while upping the body count. By dedicating a large portion of the film to the cheaper new talent, it just seems like a half-hearted reboot, wrapped in an Expendables flag.

Perhaps it was a budget thing, maybe Stallone is priming the franchise for longevity, perhaps the real battle was between Stallone blooding Red Hill director Patrick Hughes, or perhaps they’re leaning on the young ones to do the heavy duty action. Either way it just doesn’t feel right and the new talent headed by Kellan Lutz and Ronda Rousey, while promising, pales in comparison to their experienced counterparts.

The burgeoning good guys ensemble are pitted against a devious Conrad Stonebanks, played by Mel Gibson, and his army of stunt henchmen. While there are a couple of inside jokes, The Expendables 3 isn’t nearly as funny as its predecessors. Antonio Banderas almost works as the new recruit, mixing Shrek’s Donkey and Puss in Boots into one jabbering, quick-on-the-draw character. However, it mostly falls flat.

The Expendables 3 is a disappointing follow-up to The Expendables 2. It’s not easy wielding a small army of egos and if anyone can do it, Stallone has the clout. Yet, this one feels like it went into production too quickly… possibly to make sure no one died of natural causes before release, to squeeze a fourth one out before retirement or because it’s coasting on the relative success of two former films and a number of careers.

The bottom line: Disappointing

Release date: 15 August, 2014
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