Over a year ago we wrote an article about another Oscar Pistorius nightclub incident. We gave an analysis on Pistorius which he clearly hasn’t had a chance to read. So we’ve added to it and hope he gets a chance to read this new one.

Let’s try again.

Hi Oscar,

Just to recap – here is an excerpt from the article we wrote last year, entitled ‘Oscar Pistorius ‘Feeling Up Women’ During Night On The Town With ‘Tow-Truck Baron:’

When a drug addict goes to rehab, the first thing they’re told is to get rid of their drug-using friends. And here we have murder-accused Oscar Pistorius ‘partying’ with a ‘tow-truck baron,’ who – once again – comes with a controversial past. Why don’t any of my mates get involved in ‘turf wars’ with other tow-truck company owners? Why don’t any of my friends own guns? Why isn’t my brother also up on manslaughter charges at the same time as me? The question must be asked, Oscar, have you EVER picked up a self-help book? You’ll notice a common thread linking all of them – to do with energy and ‘wishy-washy’ stuff like that.

This latest bout of information is all according to the Sunday Times, who this weekend reported on Oscar Pistorius’ night out on the town with Craig Lipschitz. Just to recap, Lipschitz was involved in – wait for it – “a vicious brawl with a bouncer in 2008.” So obviously Pistorius cruised into a party establishment with this guy last Saturday. And obviously the picture wouldn’t be complete without “at least four bodyguards,” to smoothen the edges. Did no-one tell him that nothing makes the Sunday Times harder than headlines about murder-accused Olympians hanging with controversial tow-truck drivers, surrounded by bodyguards? I doubt the Sunday Times could have dreamt it, and here Pistorius gives it to them on a plate. But, as I said earlier, the absolute beauty of this whole tragic tale, is that he doesn’t get that. He thinks family-spokesperson statements about reading the bible is all it takes to maintain his image after slaying Reeva Steenkamp, when in fact his entire being is submerged inside this macho culture, which churns out these ‘tragic’ tales. Are they tragic? Or are they a product of their environment?

[more here]

And now – just this last weekend – you got involved in a fight in a nightclub and look who introduced you to the guy involved in that altercation! See below.

According to iol:

Mortimer told The Star on Monday that curtains in the VIP section were drawn so that nobody could see Pistorius was there.

He said he was introduced to Pistorius by Guil Yahav, a former bouncer turned professional poker player who made headlines in 2002 for his role in a vicious murder. He was implicated in the killing of another bouncer, Patrick Caetano, and was eventually fined R10 000 for serious assault.

Mortimer said Yahav asked him if he knew Pistorius. “Oscar said to me ‘oh you are the notorious Jared Mortimer’. I had an issue with one of Oscar’s friends about three years ago. He must have known me because of that,” Mortimer said.

A former bouncer turned poker player who was implicated in the murder of another bouncer? Are you serious? Do you NOT see a trend here?

Look, I’m sure he’s a good guy, but can you not see how this reads to the public? Can you not see how the press will EAT THIS LIKE CHOCOLATE? This incident has been reported on SKY, CNN, BBC, the Telegraph and every other major news publication on the planet.

Oh – this passage was also very special:

A man who was in the club, who spoke to The Star on condition of anonymity, said he was walking down the stairs with a friend when he saw a scuffle near the VIP section. “I said to my friend ‘check over there, there’s a fight’,” the man said.

He said he saw people holding men apart. “I recognised Mortimer,” he said.

The man said he and his friend stood and watched when the other man who he described as “flat-out drunk” and wearing a straight peak cap came towards them.

“He came up to us and pulled zap signs in our faces. That’s when I realised it was Pistorius.”

He said Pistorius left the club with an entourage of people.

Oh but wait – it wasn’t really a fight and it wasn’t your fault, right?

Again?

Don’t you realise that that doesn’t matter? What are you doing there in the first place?

What are you doing hanging with bouncers and tow-truck barons and other people accused of murder? Don’t you see that you have become one of them? You are now ALSO accused of murder and you’re still hanging with them.

The guy you had a fight with also told the press that you said you would “Piss on Zuma.” Again – whether or not this is true DOESN’T MATTER. No-one believes you because you’re in a nightclub before the verdict has has been given in your MURDER-TRIAL, and you’re hanging with other murder accused people.

You can understand why we – people that don’t associate with the underworld and don’t own guns – are dumbfounded, asking ourselves, “Is this guy fucked in the head?”

But we heard about your mental evaluation and you’re officially NOT fucked in the head.

So one can only deduce that you’re just not that bright.

And that, it seems, we cannot fix.

Please hire some very bright PR people and don’t do anything without asking them.

Ok?

Thanks.

Regards,

Everyone

South Africa

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Please note this article is a piece of satire and is without prejudice.