Do you see what’s happening with the weather today? Take a look. Take one damned good look. It’s gone to hell in a handbasket, and there are only a few decent days left. A dozen real stunners, if we’re lucky. You have to make those guys count – in that spirit we’ve put together this stunning little guide to squeezing in a beach picnic before the reservoirs fill up.

You see Thursday and Friday? Those are your first opportunities. You’re probably taking those days off, anyway, so listen up.

The first thing you’re going to do is go to your local bottle store, and pick up a sixer of Grolsch, a bottle of Tranquile, and a bottle of Haute Cabriere Chardonnay Pinot Noir. Apart from being incredibly delicious, all of those beverages have one key picnicking strength: resealable caps. Do it – you’ll thank us when it’s time to pack it in.

Next you’ll make a stop at Giovanni’s in Green Point to stock up on supplies. Because you’re smart, you’ll have thought before hand and got your hands on one of those backpack picnic hampers that fit in small spaces, or on your back from Cape Union Mart. Put your selection of delicious cheeses, meats, pestos and what have you in there.

Next, let’s talk transport. You’re not the only one who’s going to be cashing in on the last few guaranteed golden hours the Cape has to offer to the rest of the year, so you can bet your ass parking is going to be a nightmare. That’s why you’ll be going on your Vespa, which has the capacity to carry your conveniently compact picnic hamper, a brollie, and a passenger (who will also be sporting a backpack featuring various bits of picnic gear).

Arrive. Enjoy. Stay after the sun goes down, perhaps.

And remember the golden rule: we don’t drive over the limit, ever. We get our friends in luxury vehicles from Uber to fetch us, mkay?

Have fun, you crazy kids.