Committing indecent acts with dairy products in Northeast Philadelphia is a crime. At least, that’s what we’ve learned today.

A man dubbed the ‘Swiss Cheese Pervert’ was arrested yesterday for allegedly committing several indecent acts with several slices of cheese at several different locations across the city.

Christopher Pagano, 41, was served with a warrant at his Norristown home, according to officials with the Norristown Police Department.

Pagano is accused of, and get this, “offering to pay women to put Swiss cheese on his penis and perform sexual acts.”

Police said Pagano is being charged in connection with three incidents, one in January 2013 and two on January 5th 2014.

The case gained a lot of notoriety after the Mayfair Town Watch Facebook page posted about several disturbing incidents, in which Pagano made similarly odd cheese-related requests.

One online commenter had the inside scoop:

This guy has been doing stuff like this for years, Online and at bars on Frankford Ave. A few years ago he walked up to a couple friends of mine and asked them to help him with the cheese. Then pulled down his pants.

However, it was soon discovered that Pagano’s reign of cheesy terror extended far beyond his local haunt. Police also discovered messages that Pagano had sent to women on the online dating site, Okcupid:

I started to compare girls to cheese due to their milky complections [sic], girls are soft, smooth feeling and tend to like dairy products more. That and typical advertising, always using a girl to advertise dairy products. So cheese is what I started to use as a replacement for having sex with girls.

“Can you help me with the cheese.”

Best. Pickup line. Ever.

[Source : Philly.com]