If you’ve been following the whole Jack Daniel’s stolen statue saga, (here, here and here) you will thoroughly enjoy this threatening email we received from one Simon H:

Dear 2oceansvibe

From your point of view, I think it’s safe to err on the side that the statue at our “sought after address” (the modelling agency is still there) is not the 2oceansvibe statue which has been stolen.

The statue has been a relic of the house/block of flats for years and admittedly everyone seems to point a finger at everyone else when asked how it came to be. The agreed upon story is that it was won in an arm wrestling dual with a bar owner in Newlands over 7 years ago.

So I would like to point out a blatant false accusation by you. This has led to slowed traffic passed our home full of disapproving looks, phone calls blaring “was it you!?”, and even an email at work circulated to my entire office with the subject line ‘Simon’s a thief and celebrity’. Shot. Dinner time conversation has diverted from the usual micro economic debates on how to improve our country to mindless banter on how to deal with this issue negatively hampering the reputation of our beloved Abmor.

I think as a peace offering of sorts, a bottle of Jack’s finest would not go amiss to be shared with all the Abmor dudes.

Beautifully put, Simon.

There’s a bottle of Jack waiting for you, big guy. Pull through to our HQ at the upmarket and highly sought-after Woodstock Exchange and one times Chelsea will sort you out (with a bottle of Jack).