Mad Men Season 6 launches tonight with the traditional double- episode premiere.

If you watch Mad Men you would know that Don Draper is the man every guy wants to be and every girl wants to get a piece of. Over the past five seasons dapper Don has had onscreen relationships with what seems like an uncountable amount of women – a price to pay for being “simply irresistible.”

You may have heard that Don is fairly likely to return to his philandering ways in this coming season, so we thought it best to get you up to speed with his list of conquests.

Betty Draper/Francis

Probably one of the most painful characters in the series, Betty is Don’s first wife, and something of a crazy manic depressive. After finding out about Don’s fake identity and litany of affairs, she leaves him for Henry Francis. Henry and Betty get married straight away, and raise Don’s third child, Gene.

Midge Daniels

Midge could be called a 1960’s hippy. She smokes a lot of pot and has the “live in the moment” mindset, which leads her to reject constructs like marriage and similar traditions. Don escapes from his suburban life when he’s with Midge, being around her “anti-establishment” friends and taking a dip in her reefer collection. Midge turns down and opportunity to go to France with Don and then has the cheek to come back in season 4 and ask him for money to support her “new escape”, also known as heroine.

That’s quite a profile, Midge.

Rachel Menken

The Rachel chapter is a classic case of mixing business with pleasure – something Don likes to do all too often. Menken is the head of a department store and looks for an agency to advertise her brand. Of course, she finds Sterling Cooper and Mr Draper. Menken wasn’t the easiest of targets for pimp daddy Don- the concept of sleeping with a married man did not sit well with Menken. She eventually – like every other girl – gives into the hairy charm that is Don Draper, but gives him the cut when he asks her to run away with him to LA.

Bobby Barrett

Okay so, Bobby is married to Jimmy. Jimmy is an actor hired by Sterling Cooper for an Utz Potato Chips campaign. Jimmy also has a HUGE mouth on him. After Jimmy insults the Utz Potato clients, Don has to resolve the issue by taking Jimmy and his wife (Bobby) out for dinner –  a dinner that results in the two “wang chunging that night,” and a few nights after that. Don calls it quits after they write off Don’s car together. Because explaining that kind of thing to a wife is not super easy.

Joy 

This girl played such an important role in Mad Men and Don’s life that we don’t even have her surname or “real name” for that matter. On a business trip to California in season two, Don was struck by the beauty of this girl. I say girl because she was 18 at the time. Don leaves “our favourite chap Pete Campell” at a resort and buggers off with Joy to Palm Springs, taking a few weeks off work in the process.

Anna Draper

She may have the same surname as him, but they’re not siblings, and they’re not married. Anna is the real Don Draper’s real wife. Once Anna learns from Dick Wittman (aka Don Draper) that he had taken her dead husband’s name, they oddly enough become the closest of friends. Anna is the only person who knows everything about Don, and he does everything he can to support her from day one of meeting her, to her devastating death in season 4.

Shelly (One night stands don’t get a surname.)

Shelly is an air-hostess working on the flight Don takes to Balitmore with Salvatore Romano. Forgetting all loyalties to her fiance, she minxes her way to a hotel room with Don for the classic one night stand. Things are cut short when a fire alarm goes off, and Shelly disappears forever, leaving nothing but her pin-on wings, which Don gives to his daughter as a “kind gesture.” A creepy kind gesture.

Suzanne Farrell

Teacher parent misconduct, is what we have here.

Suzanne and Don meet during a parent-teacher conference, set up as a result of Don’s daughter Sally misbehaving – again. Later on in the season, after random phone calls from Suzanne, Don gives miss teach a lift home, and so begins the affair. At first Farrell is okay with the concept of “seeing” a married man, but when she starts to push about letting the public know about their relationship, Don cools. Plus the small issue of Betty confronting Don about his real identity leaves the affair in the ruins, and Farrell sitting in Don’s car on her own. (Also, she stayed there for way too long.)

Bethany Van Nuys 

Don and Betty are now divorced – just to fill you in.

Rodger Sterling does Don a “favour” and sets him up with Miss Van Nuys after his recent split from Betty. She is utterly annoying as a character and has a really short and unentertaining relationship with Don – something we are all thankful for.

Allison (AKA the crying assistant)

In a show like Mad Men, the possibly inappropriate secretary/superior relationship is a given. Allison came along with Don to the new agency Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Pryce but not for long. After Don forgets his keys she, like a “good secretary,” takes them to his house, and gets a bit more than a thank you, if you know what I mean.

 Doris

Gross – she also only gets one photo.

I’m going to cut this one short because I feel sorry for anyone, especially Don for waking up next to Doris, AKA Coyote Ugly. Anyway, Don is drunk because he won a Clio and goes on a bender. That night, he sleeps with two women. One is hot, and the other Doris, who he wakes up with. He tells her his name is Dick and does a ninja bomb when he sees her badge on a diner-waitress, maid or cleaners uniform. Good form, Don!

Moving swiftly along.

Dr. Faye Miller 

Faye was probably Don’s toughest conquest. She is well put together, confident, career driven and a research consultant to Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. Unlike our mate Doris, Faye turns Don down at the Clios after gauging his level of intoxication, but gives him a chance later on in season 4. This secret relationship looks like it is one for the alter, and Don goes as far as letting Faye know of his secret identity. Despite their close relationship, they were never to be. When Don goes on holiday with his family, he gets engaged, leaving Faye heartbroken.

And finally, we get to the one who “beat” them all…

Megan Draper

(Insert teeth jokes here.)

Megan was taken on a trip to “look after” Don’s kids, and ended up with looking after Don’s… other kids… Eventually, she nabbed a wedding ring in the process. Megan, who was Don’s receptionist turned copywriter, swept him off his shiny shoes at the end of season 4. During there time together Don has been on his best behaviour, though rumours of “Bad Don” coming back in season 6 are on the cards.

To be continued…

[Source: AMCTV, Business Insider]