I have just settled down next to the heated pool. This, after a game of tennis, some brekkie and a 10 minute steam followed by a shower. Things could be worse. How other hotels can claim to be 5-stars, I don’t know.

Just because you have a spa and room service, shouldn’t mean that you’re in the same league as another 5 star hotel. And perhaps that is the defining factor? Perhaps hotels should be graded in stars, as well as ‘league?’ So the Mount Nelson would be 5 stars, first league. Then another might be 5 stars, second league?

Allow me to explain..

I spotted something a few weeks ago at the Mount Nelson pool which really drove this vibe home for me. There was a British family settling into their position next to the pool. They were commanding easily eight lounging chairs, arranged in a kraal of sorts, all pre-fitted with the iconic Mount Nelson pink pool towels. It became clear that they had just arrived – literally just checked in – and had come straight to the pool. It was a glorious day, as the fellas ordered some Grolsch beers and Pierre Jourdan for the ladies (it’s their MCC of choice). It’s interesting to note that the hotel refers to Pierre Jourdan affectionately at ‘PJ.’ Try it for yourself – go there and ask for a bottle of ‘PJ.’ It takes some getting used to, especially when my family has always referred to it as ‘Perry Jordan.’

An aside: It is during that Jan/Feb time of year, that you spot a lot of regulars at the Nellie and very often they pre-book their position next to the pool – which remains theirs, for the duration of their stay. I know of one family who has been coming to the Nellie for the last 30 years, claiming the same spot every time. They don’t even have to book their chairs – the Mount Nelson just knows.

So back to the family I saw settling in. I couldn’t recall if they were regulars, so I watched them for a while. And that’s when everything became very clear for me. The concierge suddenly arrived, in his suit, with tails et al. He was carrying a large cardboard box, with the words ‘Hilton Family’ printed on a large piece of A4 paper, glued to the side of the box.

“What’s going on here?” I remarked to The Muse.

We watched as the family thanked the concierge and opened the box. Out came a variety of pool toys and games, as their kids did backflips with renewed excitement, recalling what fun they had had with those same toys a year before. That’s correct – the hotel had kept the Hilton family’s box of goodies for an entire year. God knows where the hotel kept it – they probably have a special room for just that very reason – who knows. The point is they get it done and it all seems quite normal for them.

Just as it’s quite normal for the newly renovated rooms above the Oasis Restaurant (first time I’ve tried these stunning new berths – overlooking the pool) to have built-in A/V slots (yellow, red and white slots) under the television. For media drives etc. We downloaded a film on iTunes and watched it with ease, using a special cable I bought from Digicape, which connects your iPad to those very slots. So much easier than lifting the plasma off the wall!

And might I add how pleasant it is to find 3 X 2-prong plugs above the main writing desk, and another two next to each side of the bed. Basics. Basics that a number of other ‘5-star’ hotels simply miss.

So we checked in on Thursday, which was a public holiday, but I had to pop in at the Woodstock Exchange on Friday, to meet with Dino, my main man at Jack Daniels. Now there is something quite special about picking up the phone and letting the porter know that you’ll be down in 5 minutes; and then walking outside and finding one times MINI Roadster JCW waiting for you.

I’ve spent a lot of times at a lot of 5 star hotels in Cape Town, and I can’t think of one other establishment that I would trust to park my car properly. Maybe it’s the training. Maybe it’s the heritage. Whatever it is, puts the Mount Nelson in a different league to the rest. And that’s before we talk about their famous afternoon tea or the grounds, featuring a heated pool and lawn area which looks like something out of a Frank Sinatra memoir. Or the brass-railed elevator with checkerboard floor – or the lounge area with fireplaces and wood-panelling and pressed-ceilings. And they’re real pressed ceilings – not prints, like you find in 5-star second league hotels..

And with their new special rates from April to September, YOU certainly don’t have to be in the same league as their previous residents (including everyone from Colin Farrell and Pierce Brosnan to Oprah Winfrey, Kate Moss and Winston Churchill – see them here) to enjoy some genuine 5-star hospitality.

Go to Europe without leaving South Africa. CLICK HERE FOR THE BRAND NEW MOUNT NELSON SPECIALS.

I see the one special is R1,650 a night, including a 60 minute massage (value R670) and breakfast (value R225). Take that value off the price and you’re looking at an effective R755 a night! CLICK HERE FOR MORE.