I have made jokes about Spier in the past. It’s not hard. They have cheetahs and more tourists than you can shake a stick at. I had to ask myself if the jokes have never been that fair.

I was driving past the other day and these thoughts flickered through my head. I quickly decided it was time for a visit. I drove in not entirely sure what to expect, but quietly confident I was in for a “tourist experience.”

The first thing I noticed as I parked and left my car was the size of the parking lot, and the number of cars already in it. It was late on Monday morning, not a time I imagine many wine farms are bustling. But here at Spier the car guard was already doing a steady trade and a bustle – albeit a quiet one – was quite evident.

I arrived at the tasting centre, and while there was a little confusion when I asked if I could stand while I tasted, Tyson, the charming chap who poured for me soon had it all sorted.

Tyson had joined Spier with little or no interest in wine. “I was just looking for a job,” he told me. Starting out packing shelves and working his way up to the tasting room Tyson has found along the way a love for serious Bordeaux blends.

The wines were all pretty smart. The unwooded Signature Chenin was fresh, with a good range of flavor – from tropical fruits to a grassy finish – and a bargain, if a little tart.

I moved on to the more serious wines from the Creative Block Range. Spier is very involved with the arts. “The Creative Block wine range is based on the Creative Block art project, in which established and emerging artists are invited to interpret 18 x 18cm blank blocks any way they choose, creating an exciting collection of contemporary art.” The works are hung in the tasting room.

The wines are named for the number of varieties used in the blend. The Spier Creative Block 2, an unwooded blend of Sauvignon Blanc and Semillon was the most approachable. Fresh, bright, and interesting; a good introduction to this style of blend.

Creative Block 3 is a Shiraz, Mouvedre and Viognier blend and has impressed judges from around the world – the bottle has the African dictator feel: medals everywhere. Not me though. Many of you will love this, and I highly recommend it if you like, rich lush Shiraz based wines. There is fruit to taste, but it feels as if the oak is hounding it. The oak an arrogant performer believing he needs more time on stage than anyone else. A good wine, just not to my taste.

The Creative Block 5, a full Bordeaux blend was my favourite red, although also quite ripe and plump, it carried with it some austerity that I liked. Too young now, but a bright future ahead of it for the next five years.

There is also the premium 21 Gables range. I felt with both the Pinotage and Chenin in this range that they had been turbo-charged unnecessarily with oak and ripeness. Wines that I would find hard to finish a glass, let alone a bottle of the stuff. Tempting, and charming but tiresome eventually.

On arrival I had spotted a sign with an arrow that said “Wine Bar”. Now, even at 11h00 on a Monday morning, it’s impossible for me to not follow a sign like that. I bid Tyson farewell and found the sign again. It seemed as if the bar was on the hotel side of the Spier compound. I struck out.

As I was leaving the tasting room I thought to myself how well designed everything was. The typefaces were well chosen and elegant. Then, just as I got to the front desk I saw a guy in a slim-fit hoody, RVCA shorts, and black-rimmed glasses. At first I thought he was a customer, but I soon realized he worked for Spier. I got it then. Spier is in bed with the hipsters.

Just out side the tasting room is a big banner showing a tasting assistant pouring wine. He is almost disguised in an apron, dress shirt, and black trousers. Perched on his lip, however, is a giveaway hipster moustache. It was true. Spier had sold themselves to the hipsters.

A very clever move. All the posters and menus have been designed impeccably. Good design like this in the wine lands is quite rare. Like a lean Viognier. More evidence of hipsters infiltrating Spier is the Secret Festival – the name is slightly lost on me as it has been advertised for ages. I think the Toffee-Pop festival people are involved; the high priests of food hipsters in Cape Town.

As I was walking I took in some of the art hung in the Manor House. All the work is from the Spier art collection, and is rotated giving the public different works to appreciate over the year. It felt as if I was looking at the originals of prints I have seen all over suburban South Africa. That very safe sort of “African art”. The type housewives feel they are being adventurous when hanging it in their lounges, but not too adventurous: it always matches the throw cushions.

I call it “Africa in Pastel”. Actually, the more I looked around the more I saw that Spier had created a white middle-class wet dream. Wine, easy to look at art, manicured lawns, an amphitheater, and a restaurant that is “an expression of balance, cycles, harmony, infinity and abundance.” Good lord, even the guys doing the gardens looked like they have been dressed up as game rangers. At each corner I half-expected to be jumped by an 18-hole golf course.

As I walked on – this place is huge – I began to worry about how far the tasting room was from this wine bar that I was seeking. I was beginning to think that I would have to pay for this extra distribution. I began to get angry at the thought of paying an exorbitant fee for a wine from the estate on the estate.

So it was with absolute delight that I found the wine bar  – just off the lobby of the hotel – serving all the Spier wines at tasting room prices. And though the hotel was an extension of this South African bourgeoisie fantasy – meetings with mac books everywhere – the wine was reasonable.

It’s always good to know where to end a wine tasting mission. A place where you can find somewhere to hang-out after a long day’s tasting. A place where the couches are soft, the wine is affordable, far from the maddening crowd, and where you can – most importantly – smoke. Spier Hotel is the place for this my friends. It may well be a conveyor belt of tourists being given a simulated African experiecce complete with cheetahs, art, wine, and bobotie, but you can’t help but admire how beautifully they do it.