This is the first in what I hope to be a fairly regular column that offers you a guide to a day or two out in the wine lands. I, your strong livered, hard-of-constitution wine reporter will plan a weekend trip for you; giving all the directions, the best places to eat and sleep, and, of course, the best wine farms to stop at.

I thought I would start with the Swartland. I love driving into the Swartland. The rolling hills, wheat fields, ochre tones, and massive sky make for perfect road tripping. It begs for electric guitars, convertibles, illicit substances, big sunglasses, and high-jinx. It also has my favourite little South African village: Riebeek Kasteel. A quaint little spot, tucked against the Kasteelberg, with a rad church, good restaurants, and the best hotel veranda for G&Ts the Cape has to offer.

Before I give you my instructions, just note that all of these wine farms should be called ahead in the week before you go. Most do not have dedicated tasting rooms and staff, so please, if you are going to visit them, make an appointment. I have included all the numbers for you at the end of the post. Also, I planned this to be a two day trip, but unless you take a Friday off, all these wineries will have to be stopped at on a Saturday. Take two days, visit on the Saturday, relax on the Sunday, or just blow off work.

Pack a lunch (good bread, meat, cheese, pick up wine along the way). Head out early. Leave town around 08h30. Grab a coffee, get comfortable and slip onto the N1 out of Cape Town. This part of the drive is pretty boring, let’s be honest. There is Durbanville, an Engen garage, and a concentrated smell of cow-shit half way through. Deal with this and then take the R44/Klapmuts turn off. Take a left.

You are out of the city, you can see the rolling hills of the Swartland in the distance, wine is on your mind. Worry not, I will not make you wait long. Spice Route is a few clicks down the road on your right. The reason I have included this winery is as historical as it is necessary. Necessary, because dammit it’s early, you have driven for 40 minutes along a boring highway, and wine is needed. Historical, because this is where the Swartland Revolution really began.

In 1997 Charles Back of Fairview bought a farm out in Malmsbury. He made use of old-vine Chenin, planting a bunch of Mediterranean varieties, and employing the rising star Eben Sadie for the first couple vintages to kick-start Swartland’s fine-wine making reputation.

Today we are comfortable with the quality the area produces – just yesterday I tasted what I believe to be the most elegant, perfumed, and wondrous South African Syrah yet, also from the Swartland – but it all started with the vision of Charles Back to make individual, fine wines from grapes more accustomed to finding themselves in bulk blends.

Wine to look out for: Spice Route Chakalaka

Your palate whetted, get back in your automobile and carry on toward Wellington. When you hit a four-way stop, take the left on to the R45. If you are taking a gonzo themed trip, it would be the best time to break out the drugs. Either way, I would suggest playing a Led Zeppelin record about now.

Drive on for about 17km, looking out for the “Jakkelsfontein” sign on your left. Take the turn, your next wine stop is AA Badenhorst Wines. Drive up the dirt track, keep an eye open for the Badenhorst sign. It’s tiny, so you will probably miss it, so when you get to a hall the road splits, take the left. Carry on to the winery.

There is no tasting venue at Kalmoesfontein (the farm’s name), there is no gabled house, or tree lined avenue. But what there is, is Adi Badenhorst, full of beard, and hearty of laugh. You’ll be taken through the simple, rustic cellar – where the coffee machine is the most expensive piece of equipment – and taste the interesting, personable wines. From the excellent value Secateurs Range, to the top end red and white blends as well as some weird ass sherry type thing that you will either fall in love with, or run from like it is the devil.

Wine to Look out for: AA Badenhorst Family White Blend

Other things to watch out for: Samuel, Adi’s son. He will take you out if you are not careful.

Get back to the hall, turn left, and carry on the dirt road. After about 800m you will see a sign that says, “Morelig”. Turn right there, then continue straight for 800m through the gum trees. Lammershoek is on the left. By now some wine should be in your veins, and the brown, beige, orange landscape should be flicking past attractively along to Jimmy Page’s guitar solos.

Lammershoek, is home to winemaker Craig Hawkins who we have featured in this column before. Lammershoek supplies excellent grapes to many of the region’s wineries. In my opinion, since Craig’s arrival at the farm the wines have increased in quality – and changed style it must be said – significantly.

Wines to look out for: Lammershoek Chenin, LAM Syrah. Ask if you can taste Craig’s own wines, too.

Then it’s just down the track (ask exactly where to go when you leave Lammershoek) to Sadie Family Vineyards. After Charles Back, it was Eben Sadie who really stamped the Swartland onto the consciousness of fine wine drinkers the world over. If Eben is around when you are there, talk to him. Ask him about the Swartland, ask him what makes a wine beautiful, ask him about the soil. I promise, you will leave more excited about wine than you did when you arrived.

Wines to Look out for: Palladius, Columella

To Riebeek Kasteel! Get back on the R45, drive on until you see the sign to Ceres and Riebeek (R46), turn right and drive up the hill. If you are a viewpoint lover, as you are coming down the hill on your left there is a little drive, turn in and look out over the Riebeek Valley. Have a smoke, finish your drugs, kiss your significant other, whatever you need, and then head into town.

Drive down the hill and on your left – just past Kloovenburg – turn toward the town. Take the right when you see the Royal Hotel sign, park outside the hotel and pop into to the Mullineux Wines’ Cellar which is just across the road. It closes at 15h00, so that’s your deadline to get to Riebeek. This wife and husband team are making some outstanding wines. Their Syrah is one of the Cape’s best.

Wines to look for: Straw Wine, Syrah, White blend. And if you are lucky, the single vineyard Syrahs.

Head back to the Royal Hotel. Take a seat seat on their wonderfully long veranda, order a double G&T. Lean back, light a cigar and contemplate the day’s tasting. Once the gin and cigar have restored you, you can either head back to Cape Town, or stay the night. But before you choose, visit the Wine Kollective down High Street just after Mullineux. They sell the region’s wines at cellar door prices.

If you have headed back to Cape Town, I hope you have enjoyed your day. If not, the sun is getting lower, the stomach may even be voicing its desire for filling.  But before you answer its call, check into your accommodation. There are plenty of B&B’s, cottages, and guest houses in Riebeek, or there is always the Hotel if you’re feeling flush. The last time I took this trip I explored the neighbouring village of Riebeek West, and discovered an awesome little guesthouse. It is called De Stal. I mention it here because it has a quality that will always get me to stay again. We arrived with quite a few people, we ate, we drank, we came and went, made a bit of a noise and Johann, who owns the place, just let us be. No nosing about, no fretting, it was perfect.

After you have settled into wherever you are staying, have another G&T on the Royal’s verander before meandering down the cobbled High Street to Bar Bar Black Sheep where you have made a reservation, of course.

What to look out for: Lamb Burger, Lamb Heart. Definitely have dessert. 

The rest of the time is your own. I would suggest drinking some of the wines you have bought. You could also take drives further into the Swartland (ask Eben or Adi where to go), hike up the Kasteelberg, visit Jan Smuts’ birthplace, or mountain bike, there is much to do (ask in at the Riebeek Valley Tourism Office, they’re really good.) But if you are like me, you will spend your Sunday, hanging out on the best veranda in the Cape, slurping up G&Ts, and plotting lunch, and then perhaps another dinner.

Note: Get a designated driver. 

Details:

Spice Route: +27 (0)21 863 5200, open 09h00-18h00

Badenhorst Wines:  +27 (0)823735038 @AABadenhorst (tastings by appointment)

Lammershoek: +27 (0)224822835 @Lammershoek (tastings by appointment)

Sadie Family WInes:  +27 (0)22 4823138 (tastings by appointment)

Mulleniux Wines:  +27  (0)22 448 1183 Open Saturdays 10am-3pm @MulleniuxWines

Bar Bar Black Sheep: +27 (0)22 448 1031

De Stal: Johann: +27 (0)83 654 3200