Asma Al Assad Calls Herself Teh ‘Real Dictator’ – Asma al-Assad, the British-born wife of Syria’s president, told a friend that she was the “real dictator” in the family, according to leaked emails that suggest she holds a cherished place in the leader’s inner circle. [telegraph]

Bus Drivers Don’t Turn Up For Work, After £38 Million Lotto Win – At a bus depot in Northamptonshire, the drivers had waited three years for a lottery winner… and now 12 have come along all at once. The lucky dozen have revealed they were in a syndicate which scooped the £38million EuroMillions jackpot on Friday night. And after they all failed to turn up for work the following morning, there are suggestions they could resign from the depot en masse – removing a fifth of the driving workforce in one fell swoop. [dailymail]

Apple Decides What To Do With $100 Billion Cash – Apple Inc. shareholders are about to get an answer to one of their most pressing questions: What will the technology giant do with its roughly $100 billion in cash? The company said late Sunday that it will hold a conference call Monday morning to disclose what it plans to do with the huge cash pile, of which shareholders have been increasingly demanding a piece. [wallstreetjournal]

Motlanthe Wants Zuma’s Job – Deputy President Kgalema Motlanthe will attempt to unseat Jacob Zuma as president of the ANC at the party’s national conference in December. This is according to senior Motlanthe aides and party insiders, who say the deputy president has decided that he will stand for office if nominated by party branches. [timeslive]

Rhinos Gone By 2015 Due To Corruption – Rhino will be wiped out from South Africa’s wildlife parks by 2015 if poaching continues at its current rate, a campaigner fighting to save the animals has warned. And corruption among officials is contributing to the ongoing slaughter, said veterinary nurse Karen Trendler. [news24]

Charlie Sheen’s Porn Star Ex Gets ‘Naked For Kony 2012’ [Video] – Not to be outdone by Jason Russell’s public display yesterday, Charlie Sheen’s former “goddess” Bree Olson has surfaced with this bizarre but perhaps well-intentioned video response to the Kony 2012 movement. The short film shows Olson writhing in various states of undress, interspersed with images of Joseph Kony and his victims. Let her explain. [gawker]

Germany Elects New President – Joachim Gauck, a pastor-turned-dissident in the former East Germany, was elected Germany’s head of state on Sunday, ending a political drama that nearly split Chancellor Angela Merkel’s center-right coalition government. [wallstreetjournal]

Billionaire Red Bull Inventor Dies – A founder of the Red Bull empire, a self-made Thai billionaire who came up with the original formula for the high-octane energy drink, has died in Bangkok. Chaleo Yoovidhya was 89 or 90, according to varying accounts in the Thai media, who said he died Saturday of natural causes at a Bangkok hospital. [newyorktimes]

Charles Saatchi Wants Wife Nigella Lawson To Be ‘Coveted’ – With her culinary wizadry, melt-in-your mouth voice and Rubenesque figure, Nigella Lawson has made a career out of turning heads. But while many husbands might resent such flirtatious behaviour, Charles Saatchi yesterday revealed his pleasure at his television chef wife’s appeal – declaring “who would want to be married to someone who nobody coveted?” [telegraph]

Chinese Writers Group Sues Apple – A group of 22 Chinese authors have filed a claim against U.S. technology group Apple, alleging its App Store sells unlicensed copies of their books. The group petitioned Apple last year to stop electronic distribution of the writers’ books and had earlier persuaded Baidu, China’s largest search engine, to stop publishing their material on its Baidu Library product. [euronews]

Privacy Suit Filed Against Apple, Facebook, Twitter – 13 individuals have filed a lawsuit against more than a dozen mobile app makers–including Path, Twitter, Apple, and Facebook–who were accused of automatically uploading user address books without permission. The defendants in the suit include: Path, Twitter, Apple, Facebook, Beluga, Yelp, Instagram, Foursquare Labs, LinkedIn and Rovio. [cnet]

John Smit Lines Up Star-Studded Farewell Match – A world team loaded with several Springboks will line up against the Sharks on June 22 for John Smit’s farewell match. Smit and former Sharks coach Ian McIntosh will coach the team, which will be known as Barney’s Army – derived from Smit’s nickname Barney. [sport24]

Topless Women Protest Against Ukraine Sex Trade – A group of bare-breasted young women scaled the front of the General Prosecutor’s Office of Ukraine this week, carrying signs saying “Death to Rapists” and “The Country Wants Vengeance,” protesting the handling of the case of a young woman who was raped, dumped in a ditch and set on fire. [abcnews]

MegaMillions Jackpot Rolls Over To R1.8 Billion – There was no jackpot winner in the March 16th USA Mega Millions draw. The winning numbers were 28-29-43-51-53 and Mega Ball 07. The USA Mega Millions Jackpot on Tuesday, March 20th is now estimated at US $241Million. That comes to R1.8 Billion and you can buy tickets online. [here]

Jenson Button Wins Australian Grand Prix – McLaren driver Jenson Button won the Formula One season-opening Australian Grand Prix on Sunday, taking the checkered flag Down Under for the third time in four years. Button beat reigning world champion Sebastian Vettel of Red Bull by 2.1 seconds after the race turned into a 17-lap shootout when Vitaly Petrov stopped on the main straight, bringing out the safety car. [espn]

Private Submarines Gain Popularity With Millionaires – A new class of private submarines has become the latest plaything for the super rich. They allow would-be adventurers to navigate the wonders of the coral reefs, explore shipwrecks or even to cruise alongside dolphins. The cheapest models start at $1.7 million, but prices can go as high as $80 million. [spiegel]

Castro Knew JFK Would Be Assassinated – A retired CIA officer claims, in a new book, to have proof that Castro knew the murder was about to happen – an allegation certain to refuel speculation before next year’s 50th anniversary of a pivotal moment of the 20th century. [guardian]

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